The Jerk, The Clown And The Wardrobe
by Araven14
Summary: Lenalee is in Heaven, Lavi's fallen in lust, Kanda is swimming around in de Nile and Allen is trapped in Narnia. Yullen AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Happy birthday to me~ This is my present to myself, and I'm sad to say that it will not be updated for a while. Reason one; I go back to school soon, so my life will get hectic. Reason two; Sempiterma Nox is still my main priority so I will be focusing on that. Reason three; Kanda's being a bitch and not co-operating with the plot bunny.**

**Even so, this was a lot of funto write, and it will be updated... eventually. When I get around to writing the next chapter. It contains a lot of my... unique humour as well as several inside jokes, so reviewor pm me if you don't understand anything. Or if I make any mistakes, because it's bound to happen.**

**Disclaimer - That right there means I don't own D. Gray-man.**

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"_I love you..._" the moronic, one-dimensional movie character whispered to the other, equally moronic and one-dimensional movie character. Allen sighed tiredly, already sick to death of this over-the-top, dramatised version of 'true love' – he respected Lenalee, and would hate to hurt her feelings, but he wasn't sure how much more of this he could take before suffering a severe mental breakdown. Not to mention the fact that he was terrified of what Komui might subject him to should he dare to offend Lenalee, no matter how minor that offense might be.

"Uh, Lavi, Lenalee, I don't mean to criticize your methods, but are you two sure that this is the best way to deal with a break-up?" Allen asked hesitantly, freezing immediately when two identical death-glares were sent shooting his way. If looks could kill, Allen would have already decayed into a pile of plant food.

"Allen. Exactly how many relationships have you been in?" Lenalee asked with every semblance of patience.

"Um... One?" Allen replied, the statement coming out as more of a question due to his fear of the dark-haired Chinese girl.

"Exactly. How many times have you been dumped?"

"Once?" Allen said uncertainly, the suppressed fury in Lenalee's eyes making him suddenly unsure of the precise figure.

"Right. So who do you think is more qualified at this?" Lavi asked, joining the interrogation suddenly and without warning.

"Not you, Lavi – you only ever get in relationships as long as they last less than twenty four hours – I mean seriously, have you _ever_ contacted _any_ of the people you've slept with?" Lenalee asked sceptically, eyeing the serial flirt with wary eyes.

"I slept with Allen, and I still talk to him!" Lavi protested.

"What? I have never had sex with you in my entire life!" Allen gasped, feeling slightly ill. No offense to Lavi – he was a great friend, and really handsome in his own way, but Allen just didn't like him like _that_, despite Lavi's many proclamations of 'love'. Which, incidentally, he announced to each and every one of the people he had ever dated – the only difference was, he had never been with Allen.

"I never said that I've had _sex_ with you, I just said that I've _slept_ with you – remember that time we all went camping, and it was too cold to stay in separate sleeping bags?" Lavi hinted, nudging Allen's ribs.

"Lavi! That's enough talking about me sleeping with you!" Allen hissed.

"Aw, I'm sorry, Al old pal. Don't feel down, though. You'll find the perfect man for you someday, I'm sure."

"Thanks Lavi, I really appre – wait! The perfect _man_ for me?" Allen asked, his silvery eyes widening as he suddenly realised what Lavi had said. The redhead chuckled nervously, rubbing at the back of his neck in a manner that simply screamed 'awkward' at the top of its voice... possibly with a megaphone and several cheerleaders in the background.

"Well, you never really seemed all that interested in girls, and after the recent attempt at a relationship with Rhode that somewhat failed, I thought you might like to try..."

"Christ, Lavi! Just because this relationship didn't work out so well, doesn't mean that I'm automatically into boys, okay?" Allen sighed, unable to work up any real anger towards his friend – he had, after all, come all the way over to Allen's flat after receiving a rather teary phone call begging him for help. Even if he did only live a couple of floors away.

"Allen's right, Lavi. He's just got to give the whole romance thing another chance," Lenalee defended, and Allen felt a warm glow light up his insides at the thought of having friends as good as these two. "Although I must admit, I think he would look really sweet with a guy." The warm glow vanished as suddenly as it had arrived.

Allen choked on his mouthful of Ben and Jerry's ice cream – supplied to him, ironically enough, by the chef Jerry who worked in a little cafe down the road. He had always had a soft spot for Allen, so when Lenalee and Lavi stopped by and told him the news, he had immediately handed them all of the 'comfort food' they could carry. Thank God, too – it seemed that Allen was capable of eating twice as much as usual when depressed, which was quite the achievement.

"Lenalee, does your brother know about your strange and overpowering obsession with gay couples?" Allen asked, a frown marring his forehead. Lenalee didn't reply for a moment, instead pausing to wrap the blanket shared by the three of them a little tighter around herself, leaving Lavi out in the cold. Ignoring his loud protests, Lenalee just shook her head thoughtfully.

"No, I don't think he does," she mused, still obstinately blocking out Lavi's shouts of 'you cruel, heartless woman, leaving me out here to freeze to death!'

"Would you like me to tell him?" Allen asked; the only hint that he was actually threatening the Chinese girl was the angry glint in his grey-blue eyes.

"Allen, you know how my brother is. If you told him something like that, he'd probably find you a boyfriend himself _and_ take lots of lovely photos _and_ force the two of you to get married _and_ find a way to make you have gorgeous babies together, however physically impossible that may be, just to make me happy," Lenalee smirked. The worst part was, Allen couldn't come up with a suitable argument – Lenalee was probably right, after all.

"Okay, you win," Allen groaned, burrowing deeper under the covers and into the too-soft-to-be-really-comfortable sofa.

"Of course she does. Lenalee kicks ass," Lavi smirked, still tugging on the blanket – though his efforts were all in vain. It seemed that he had now resorted to major sucking-up in a desperate attempt to get his third of the furry blanket back. So far, all of his tries had failed epically.

"Why thank you, Lavi," she smiled, saluting him, leaning around Allen who was curled up between them in a small ball of depression.

Strangely enough, it wasn't the fact that he had broken up with Rhode that had him so down – he had always viewed her as more of a creepy-younger-sister than as girlfriend material. It was more that his first attempt at a serious relationship had ended so abruptly, even though he had been trying so hard.

Then again, maybe he had been trying _too_ hard. Maybe his relationship with Rhode simply hadn't been supposed to work out and he was, in fact, destined to love another. A lovely, sentimental thought, but Allen thought that it was more likely that he wasn't destined to love; at all, ever. Abandoned by his parents as a very young child, adopted by Mana who had died only a few years later before being taken in by Cross who was physically incapable of caring for anything but his own selfish desires, Allen wasn't really accustomed to the feeling of being loved.

Either way, it had quickly become apparent to Allen that he and Rhode weren't particularly compatible – nonetheless, he had continued with her, trying to push past the barrier that was the lack of any kind of connection. Their relationship had lacked chemistry, meaning; that special _spark_, at the risk of sounding like one of Lenalee's cheesy chick-flicks.

"How many guys have you been out with, Lenalee?" Allen asked suddenly, thinking back over their conversation. There was a tense pause in which both Lavi and Allen held their breath, hearts thudding in their chests.

In retrospect, Allen realised that asking Lenalee such a personal question could very well get him killed – though by her or by Komui, he wasn't sure.

"You promise not to tell Komui?" She asked, her eyes warily darting between the two boys, who both nodded vigorously. "I've had three boyfriends so far," she said, smiling at the shocked looks her friends were giving her.

"Lenalee! How come you never told us before?" Lavi asked, his voice only a few shades away from 'whiny'. Though Allen didn't want to lower himself to whining, he had to admit that he shared Lavi's sentiments on the subject.

"I was worried that Komui might try to kill them and I was worried about you guys – if he ever finds out that you two knew about my boyfriends then he'll probably kill you, too," she reasoned, and Allen felt his blood turn to ice in his veins. Lenalee was right; Komui _would_ kill them. All of a sudden, the phrase 'ignorance is bliss' made an awful lot more sense.

"G-good point," he and Lavi stuttered in unison.

"So... so what should I do now, do you think?" Allen asked shakily, striving to turn the conversation back to normality. "You know, should I go on a rebound, should I stuff my face with chocolate..."

"You do that anyway."

"... Should I become a monk..."

"You're practically one already, with all your talk of God and saviours."

"... Or should I just go out with that creepy stalker-guy down the end of the street?"

"God, no. If you do that, I will personally murder you and all of your monk-ness," Lavi groaned, covering his eye in horror. Allen sighed, shrinking down even further until all of him but tufts of white hair was hidden beneath the blanket.

"Allen, a rebound will probably only cause regrets; I would say that too much chocolate will make you fat, but that doesn't seem to apply to you; being a monk would be no fun, you wouldn't be able to live here anymore and that creepy stalker-guy is... creepy," Lenalee said, tugging gently on strands of his hair until Allen finally emerged from under the blanket.

"I know that, but I don't know what to _do_," Allen moaned, staring dejectedly at his left arm. So many people were scared of it or ignored him when they saw it – Lavi, Lenalee, Komui, Mana, Cross, and now Rhode were the only people to have seen it and accepted him anyway. The people at his workplace had never seen it... even Jerry who simply doted on Allen had never seen it.

He hated that he had to keep his arm hidden all the time, but he had learned as a very young child that people didn't understand what was wrong with his arm – and people always feared and hated what they didn't understand. Often, he would be plagued by questions as to why he always wore long-sleeved shirts and gloves, even in the middle of summer, and he never liked to explain himself. He would just laugh it off like it was nothing.

That was what he had always done, though. Laughed it off, that is. Whenever he was sad or uncomfortable or in pain, he laughed. It was an old habit of his that even the gentle coaxing of his friends hadn't been able to shake. He thought it might date back to his days with Mana as a street performer, when he had had to smile to entertain audiences, no matter how he himself felt.

"For the moment, I don't think you should do anything. Give yourself some time to adjust to being single again before you go out searching for love – just be patient. You'll find the right, er, person for you, I'm sure," Lenalee said, squeezing Allen's hand.

"Or I could help you get over her..." Lavi hinted with a bright grin. Allen barely managed to hold back a groan. "Or maybe not," Lavi quickly amended at the look Lenalee shot him.

"I think _not_, especially after the little talk we've just had about the consequences of rebounds. _Not_ a good idea, Lavi," Lenalee scolded, playfully wagging her finger at him. Allen laughed as Lavi cowered back in mock fear, relieved that his friends had pulled through for him like this. Admittedly, they did live in the same block of flats as him, but even so...

"Hey, when's that new neighbour of yours moving in?" Lavi asked suddenly, turning to Allen and gently prodding his stomach with his index finger. "I need to meet him or her so that I can decide whether I should be jealous."

"Lavi, I'm not dating you, so why should you be jealous? Besides, this isn't the first time I've had a neighbour, you idiot."

"I know _that_, but what if they're really good-looking, and the instant you see them, you fall so desperately, head-over-heels in love with them that you forget all about little old me?" Lavi sniffled, his eyes welling up with fake tears as he pouted at Allen.

"Who could ever forget about you?" Allen asked sarcastically. Lavi sighed blissfully, pressing a hand against his heart with a stupid, dreamy smile on his face. "I didn't mean that in a good way," Allen explained before Lavi could get the wrong idea.

"Hey, can you hear that?" Lenalee asked suddenly, before Lavi had the chance to retaliate. Allen tilted his head to one side curiously, straining his ears... sure enough, he _could_ hear a soft tapping sound, like someone was...

"I'll get it," he sighed, standing up and thanking the Lord that he always insisted on wearing long-sleeved pyjamas, no matter the season. Quickly tugging his shirt so that it hung straight, Allen unlocked the door and opened it a crack, relaxing slightly when he saw the kind-looking older gentleman standing on the other side of his door.

"Can I help you?" Allen asked politely, wondering what in the world was going on... That was, until he saw the various suitcases and put two and two together.

"My name's Froi Tiedoll," the man said, smiling warmly at him. "And I'm helping my son move in next door; the landlord Komui told me that..."

Allen knew what was going on – he had been told by Komui, the man who owned the Black Order building that a new neighbour would be moving in sometime soon – though, Komui being Komui, he hadn't known the exact date, the person's name, or even their gender! Though, according to this man, his new neighbour would be male.

"Old man, you are _not_ my father, so don't act as though you are," an irritated male voice echoed down the corridor outside, and Allen raised an eyebrow at the faint accent. He had lived in Japan for five months with Cross, and knew enough of the language to recognise the way that this man pronounced his English. Alright, so maybe it was the many Japanese curses he could hear being grumbled, but that was hardly important.

"I'll just get the key for you," Allen smiled, slipping back inside the hallway and picking up the key Komui had entrusted to him.

The rather insane man had insisted that it was because he wanted Allen to get to know his neighbour, however Allen suspected – and Lenalee agreed with him – that it was more likely that Komui didn't want to lose the key in his paper-strewn office.

"Here you go," Allen said when he returned, pressing the key into Tiedoll's open hand, carefully keeping his left arm hidden from view. Tiedoll's smile widened impossibly further, and behind him, Allen could see two more men – though these two were considerably younger than Tiedoll.

"Oh, how rude of me!" Tiedoll chuckled when he noticed Allen's curious gaze. "These are two of my adopted sons; Noise Marie and Daisya Barry. Of course, Yuu-kun will be your neighbour, but he doesn't seem to want to greet you..."

"For the last time, do _not_ call me that!" The irate voice sounded again. "My name is Kanda, and you would do well to remember it, geezer."

"Don't worry about him, he just has a bit of a temper," Tiedoll said, his smile faltering slightly, and Allen hastened to reassure him.

"Oh no, it's fine," Allen smiled. "He probably just wants to get settled down; I know that moving can be exhausting, so he probably just wants to sort out his apartment. It was a pleasure meeting you, Mr. Tiedoll."

"You too," Tiedoll trailed off, and Allen felt a slight blush rising to his cheeks when he realised that he had never given the man his name.

"Allen," he said, firmly shaking Tiedoll's hand. "My name is Allen Walker."

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"Hey, Allen. Allen? _Allen_. Al_len_! Oi, love-of-my-life, sweetheart, buttercup, darling, sugar-plum, honeybunch..."

"Alright Lavi, I'm up already!" Allen groaned, groggily sitting up and rubbing the grit from his eyes. "Enough with the ridiculous pet-names, I'm up!"

Sunlight streamed through the windows of Allen's tiny apartment, giving it a cheerful feel and generally lightening his mood. As a result, he could feel the beginnings of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth; one which morphed into a full-blown grin at the sight of the mountain of food and fresh coffee prepared by Lenalee and Lavi. He really didn't deserve such good friends.

Allen happily tucked into the enormous meal without bothering to get dressed or comb his hair or anything like that – what was the point? The only people here were Lavi and Lenalee, and though he tried not to dwell on it, they had both seen him in far worse states than this. It was quite embarrassing, but the three of them had been friends long enough that it no longer mattered.

In record time – even for him – the food disappeared; four pieces of toast, two bowls of cereal, a stack of pancakes, an apple and three breakfast muffins were gone within three minutes flat. Allen and his friends thought nothing of it, but he would often get strange looks from passers-by if he ever ate in public. Which was why he liked to eat in Jerry's cafe. The food was excellent, but the place was small and out of the way, so there were usually only a few customers in there at any one time. Ideal for someone like Allen, whose stomach closely resembled a black hole.

"Hey Allen, what did your neighbour look like?" Lavi asked suddenly, leaning over the table until his face was only a few inches away from Allen's. Lenalee paused in washing up her dishes, turning around to face the two boys (whilst secretly hoping that Lavi would close the distance between them so that she could take a picture. Not that she'd ever admit to that; being a closet fangirl was hard work.)

Allen paused for a moment, thinking back to the previous evening.

"I don't know, I only met his father," Allen shrugged. "He sounded Japanese though, if that helps." Lavi groaned burying his face in his hands.

"Mysterious stranger who can woo you in another language? How can I ever compete with that?" He whined, whilst Lenalee looked on sympathetically. She wasn't sure how strong or how genuine Lavi's feelings for Allen were, but either way it looked like he wouldn't have a chance with this new guy next door.

Allen on the other hand, was sure that Lavi felt nothing more for him than deep friendship, a strange fascination, and perhaps a drop of lust. Perhaps a gallon of the stuff; he wasn't entirely sure. It didn't really matter to him – all he knew was that Lavi didn't love him like that, and that he would most certainly _not_ be wooed by a Japanese jerk that refused to even show Allen his face.

"Okay, that guy's totally gay," Lavi decided, having switched on the TV and immediately flicked to the music channel. It seemed that he had already recovered from his brief fit of pessimism, and was already back to his usual self. Allen glanced quickly at the screen and found that he had to agree – his gaydar, honed by years of entertaining crowds (_not_ in that way, as he forcefully reminded himself) was going crazy.

Allen, being Allen, quickly lost interest in the pictures on the screen and turned his attention to the cupboards, searching for something worth raiding. There had to be a jar of peanut butter somewhere...

"Agreed, but if he wasn't, I would so do him. He's like sex on legs," Lenalee sighed; Allen simply shook his head. Such talk was very common when her brother Komui wasn't around to regulate her language.

"I would so be gay for him," Lavi agreed, nodding sagely. "He has serious abs. Like, _whoa shit, that guy's got a six-pack_ type abs."

Alright, so Allen would give him that; he _did_ have abs. Even so, that was no reason for both Lavi and Lenalee to fawn over him like little lost puppies. It was really quite worrying, if he was being honest with himself.

Allen had long since accepted Lavi's 'flirt with anyone and everyone' mentality. He had eventually learned to ignore the fact that the redhead seemed to have someone different clinging to his arm every other day. The simple fact was, Lavi was his friend; and a _good_ friend at that. If that was how Lavi wanted to behave, then he could go right ahead for all Allen cared.

Even so, it was rather disturbing to hear Lavi discuss all of the things he would potentially do with the singer, particularly after the many times he had spoken of 'loving' Allen – what was even more disturbing was that pure, innocent Lenalee seemed to be agreeing with most of his ideas. Determinedly, Allen gritted his teeth and returned to thoroughly ignoring them.

"Hey, _Al_len," Lavi said suddenly, drawing out the first syllable in his name. "Do you have to work tonight?" Allen suppressed a sigh and an eye-roll.

"You know I do, Lavi. It's Saturday, so that means that I work the evening shift," Allen explained patiently, trying to ignore the fact that they went over this exact same conversation at least once a week. Sometimes more, but never less.

"Aw, man. I was hopin' we could invite that new neighbour of yours around and get to know him, you know? C'mon Al, can't you call in sick just this once?" Lavi pleaded, his single visible eye widening as he gazed pathetically at Allen. Usually, a couple of seconds of that look and Allen would crumble. However, on this subject he was always very firm.

The job had been incredibly difficult to get – in the end, it was only Tyki's recommendation that actually got him the job. Dealing cards in the Noah's Ark casino may not have been the job he had always dreamed of but he was damn good at it, and it paid the bills well enough. However, the Earl would usually only hire members of his extended family, so Allen had been quite surprised when he had heard that he'd landed the job, though he suspected that Rhode might have had something to do with the Earl's final decision.

From the moment she had seen him, Rhode had been obsessed; in truth, it was actually rather frightening. Still, Allen was grateful for all she had done for him, and they had parted on quite good terms, so he was hopeful that they'd be able to remain friends. Still, that didn't mean that he would risk losing his job just because Lavi wanted to drag him out – he may be on good terms with Rhode, but he didn't trust her to help him keep his job if he was going to be so irresponsible.

"Lavi, I've told you time and time again, I will not skip work just because you want me to. I have to pay the bills and Cross's debts somehow." That was the worst of it – Allen, at the tender age of eighteen, was over twenty thousand pounds in debt; debt that wasn't even his to begin with! It seemed that no matter how many debts he managed to pay off, Cross just continued to accumulate more.

"Yeah, I guess so," Lavi agreed, scratching the back of his head absent-mindedly. "That really sucks though. Man, that Cross must be some sort of demon."

"Well, I do wonder sometimes," Allen muttered, scowling at the fridge when he realised that he had no more chocolate mousse – he would have to buy some soon.

In Allen's life, there were very few things that he considered essential and gave priorities to. His friends were one. His music another. Food was very high up on that list, and whenever Allen was running low, he tended to get just a _weensy_ bit grumpy. Both Lavi and Lenalee knew that... and scooted out of his way as quickly as they possibly could whilst he stormed around searching for his hidden stash – hidden so well that even he couldn't remember where he had left it.

Allen hated feeling hungry; unfortunately for him, his enormous appetite meant that he often did feel hungry – and there was very little he could do about it. Komui – who, surprisingly enough was quite an important figure in the medical research field – believed that he simply had a quirk in his metabolic system which made him burn through calories a lot faster than most other people. Put simply, it didn't matter how much he ate, his body would always use it up quickly and want more.

Yeah, so a lot of people were jealous that he could eat as much as he wanted and never gain any weight. That didn't mean Allen _liked_ it – his weekly shopping was Hell on Earth. Half his wages seemed to be used up on food.

"Hey, I gotta go, or Gramps is gonna get mad at me again," Lavi said, hastily grabbing his coat and rushing out of the door – and therefore out of Allen's way. Lenalee shot a positively evil glare at his back that clearly said 'you _coward_'. Fortunately – or perhaps unfortunately, depending on the point of view – Lavi remained blissfully unaware of the rapidly growing rays of hatred Lenalee was sending his way.

So it was that Lavi Bookman lived to see another day.

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**Review please? As a gift to me?**


	2. Chapter 2

**For those of you who read Sempiterma Nox, I know I said that I was going to focus on that, and I still will. Currently I'm in the process of rewriting the next chapter for the third time, and I still don't like it, so you'll have to bear with me on that one. Also, I go back to school tomorrow, so there'll be very little time for writing and stuff like that - so, I thought I'd get this up here first. It's considerably shorter than the first chapter, partly because I hurried a bit and partly because I find it harder to write from Kanda's perspective. But whatever. And no, unfortunately there is no explanation of the random summary as of yet. If you really want the jokes to be spoilered, you can PM me or ask in a review, but I don't imagine anyone will.**

**Disclaimer - that word explains why my life is so pathetic.**

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Kanda Yuu may not have been the most intelligent human being on the face of the Earth, but even he knew that some things were Very Bad Ideas. Take, for instance, the suggestion that he spend some time 'bonding' with his so-called, self-proclaimed family.

Now _there_ was an evening destined to end in disaster.

As if it wasn't enough that Kanda was still trying to unpack all of his belongings and find a way to store them around the rooms without making them look cluttered, he had also had the irritating geezer knocking on his door and announcing that they were all going out for dinner together. By 'out for dinner', he actually meant popping round the corner to the little cafe that could be found there.

It wasn't actually all that bad, Kanda decided upon hearing that there was no menu, and the chef would just cook whatever you could think to order. In Kanda's case this was, of course, soba.

Kanda tutted impatiently and tapped his feet restlessly against the floor whilst he waited for the idiotic waitress to remove the mountains of plates from the only free table large enough to seat them all – she tripped and almost fell several times on her way to the kitchen, though somehow, miraculously, she made it through the door in one piece. Kanda immediately took a seat at the now empty table, clinging stubbornly to the belief that the quicker this thing was started, the quicker it would be over.

When the clumsy waitress returned, Tiedoll ordered for everyone, already certain of what they would all want, all the while making small talk with her while she stammered and fumbled.

"So, who was sitting here before us? Was there a party?" Tiedoll asked gently, smiling at the nervous woman.

"Hm? Oh! No, no, just one of our regulars – he always eats that much, I don't know how he does it!" She giggled shrilly, the sound just a touch hysterical, and Kanda felt that he was starting to get seriously freaked out by the woman's behaviour.

"Whoa, wish I could eat that much," Daisya laughed. "That'd be completely awesome."

"Yeah, except you'd be the size of a fucking house if you did," Kanda snorted. "Not even all that damn football you play could keep you in shape, moron."

"So what? I could eat, like, three times my own weight!" Daisya said excitedly – he had never really been one for logic. "Wouldn't that be so cool?"

"Che," Kanda muttered, looking away. He didn't have the time or the patience that was required to deal with these idiots. He would rather be back in his flat, practicing with Mugen and possibly cussing at the TV.

Calmly – or at least, as calmly as was possible given the current situation – Kanda stared out of the window, obstinately ignoring everything his adoptive father said to him. Daisya's voice was starting to get on his last nerve, and even Marie's gentle and usually soothing tone was beginning to grate a little. Damn, Kanda hated being social. Almost as much as he hated the guy next door.

Okay, so Kanda hadn't actually _met_ the kid, but he knew instinctively that he would hate him. For one, the boy had been playing music almost _all day_; not even good music, but the electronic shit that was so popular nowadays. _And_ he'd had a girl around his place _all day_; Kanda had seen her leaving the place at around the same time he was dragged out on this 'family evening'.**(1)** What did that say about the guy? Was he some kind of man-whore, or just really in love with that girl?

By the time the idiotic waitress returned, Kanda's hands were trembling with the suppressed urge to throttle Daisya – he didn't have Mugen with him, so he would have to settle for getting his hands a little bit dirty. Either way was good, as long as the guy _shut up_.

To Kanda's surprise, the soba was actually pretty good – he had to give the chef some credit. He hadn't expected him to be so good at his job. Kanda continued eating, as close to happy as he would ever come. The soba really was good.

"So, Yuu-kun, what do you think of your neighbour, hm? Isn't he wonderful? A gentleman if ever I met one, in this day and age, too! Such a rare, precious thing," Tiedoll sighed blissfully. "He was so polite and kind; a genuine young man."

"Tch, why the fuck would I waste my time talking to my neighbour?" Kanda asked bitingly, as though the very idea of doing such a thing was utterly incomprehensible. Which, considering Kanda's personality, may not have been far from the truth. He wasn't known for being a social butterfly.

"He could teach you some manners," Daisya suggested cheekily, drawing back when Kanda turned a furious glare on him. "Marie, protect me," he said, pushing Noise forwards so that he was hidden behind the other man.

"Oh, but he could, Yuu-kun! You could learn so much from him!" Tiedoll exclaimed happily.

"Whatever, geezer," Kanda muttered, clenching his hands into fists beneath the table and wondering how much longer he would be forced to endure this before he could be allowed to leave.

He hated his family – always had and probably always would. There were a thousand and one things he would rather be doing right about now – slicing up his neighbour with Mugen, or having his eyes gouged out with a red-hot poker were just a couple of things that he would rather do than spend time with his family.

Right about now, Kanda wanted to punch someone's lights out – and he really wasn't fussed about who it was, although he thought that the idiot from next door might do nicely. Maybe then he would learn to stay out of Kanda's business; his last neighbours had been depressingly slow on the uptake. It wasn't until the twenty fourth time they had been threatened with Mugen that they finally got the picture. Kanda wondered if this one would be just as stupid.

Hearing Tiedoll talk about the brat was sickening, and Kanda started to contemplate the pros and cons of just killing the kid before he had a chance to open his mouth and infuriate Kanda with his sure-to-be whiny voice. How pathetic.

If Kanda remembered correctly – and he wasn't quite sure why he did, come to think of it – his neighbour had some ridiculous, generic name like Walker. Something Walker – Kanda would just refer to him as 'brat' until he was given a damn good reason not to do so.

As soon as the idiots had finished eating, Kanda stood up and was out of the cafe like a shot – he refused to think of it as running away. Beating a strategic retreat would be a better description. Or, even better, he was getting out of there before someone forced him to take drastic action that would likely result in a life sentence.

He stomped angrily – yet, still somehow managing to be graceful – around the corner to the block of flats in which he had recently taken residence. A scowl had been etched onto his face and the low, furious mutters never paused as they poured from his mouth in a river of fluid Japanese. He could sense the terrified glances being sent his way from various passers-by, and as always they gave him a wide berth.

Kanda glared even harder at the old man strolling in front of him. Scoffing, Kanda checked his watch – it was quarter to eleven. Weren't most old guys fast asleep and snoring by this point? And why the fuck was the idiot wearing some kind of suit?

Surprisingly enough, the geezer turned into the same building that Kanda now lived in, and he grumbled angrily under his breath at the thought of having to live in the same building as this dusty old fart.

To Kanda's great shock, the short-arse old man took the stairs instead of the elevator – weren't pensioners supposed to have bad backs and shit like that? He took the stairs two at a time, like a damn excited kid. Kanda sneered silently, and was slightly surprised to notice that he couldn't hear the man's footsteps – it was quite (read: extremely) rare that Kanda encountered someone so light on their feet (read: it never happened) much less some old guy. Despite himself, Kanda was slightly impressed.

But only slightly.

He had to bite back an irritated sigh when he realised that the idiot lived on the same floor as him. What surprised him, however, was the fact that he stopped in front of the door right next to Kanda's – hadn't Tiedoll already said that there was a kid living there? Maybe this was the brat's father or granddad or something. Whatever. It wasn't Kanda's business.

Impatiently, he stuck his hands in his pockets, rummaging around for his keys. He frowned when he didn't encounter them immediately, as he always left his keys in the front right pocket. Even so, he checked all of the other ones in his jeans, just to make sure that – God forbid – he hadn't changed his behavioural pattern and put them somewhere else.

He hadn't. They weren't to be found anywhere on his person. And he had checked _everywhere_.**(2)**

"Excuse me, do you need any help?" A slightly high pitched male voice asked. Kanda scoffed, turning around to berate the old man as he clearly deserved – and did a double take.

But only a _really_ little one.

The old man wasn't an old man at all – at least that explained the excellent posture and brisk pace. In actual fact, he looked younger than Kanda by a few years; he was short and slender with a slightly rounded face and wavy white hair that gave him an almost feminine appearance. He was well-dressed, although Kanda assumed that that was for his job, whatever that may be. After all, he had a vivid, red tattoo on his face; hardly the sort to wear a tuxedo by choice.

So _this_ was the brat Tiedoll had been blabbering about. Allen _fucking_ Walker.

"What was that, moyashi?" Kanda asked, his voice dangerously quiet. Allen's eyebrow twitched slightly at the word 'moyashi', but other than that he gave no reaction, so Kanda decided that he probably didn't know what it meant and just assumed that it was an insult. Which, of course, it was.

"I asked if you needed any help, but I can see that you're managing just _splendidly_ on your own, so I'll stop being such a bother," the boy replied, his smile sickeningly sweet even as his aura darkened until it was almost a black cloud around him. If Kanda were slightly more superstitious, he would have sworn that he could see horns sprouting from the sprout's head. He opened his door and was about to step inside when Kanda curled his hands into fists and swallowed his pride.

"Oi, moyashi," he growled, and Allen turned back around with a blinding grin. Kanda gritted his teeth with enough force to grind steel to a powder. "I locked my keys in the apartment. Help me."

"Ah-ah, I think you meant to say 'please help me, neighbour'," Allen chirped, not realising that with every word he spoke his life expectancy decreased by around five years. That meant that if he were meant to die at the average age, Kanda would be well within his rights to murder the idiot there and then.

"I know exactly what I said, and I meant every fucking word of it," Kanda hissed, his eyes glinting. "Now either help me or get the hell out of my face."

Allen shrugged and walked calmly into his room, leaving Kanda fuming under his breath about the _fucking_ moyashi. He hadn't actually expected the brat to _leave_.

Kanda spun around, marching stiff-backed down the corridor when an amused voice called out to him. "I thought you wanted some help?"

The moyashi's shit-eating grin had grown even bigger, and he was spinning something around his finger with blinding speed. Kanda guessed that it was either spare keys to his apartment or a kunai that the kid was planning on stabbing him with.

"Che, I guess the landlord actually had enough brain cells to realise that he should give you two keys," Kanda snorted. The moyashi just laughed and finally stopped spinning the thing.

"Are you kidding me? He wouldn't even give me spare keys for _my_ apartment," Allen laughed. "No, this is even better." Kanda folded his arms across his chest and raised a sceptical eyebrow, as though daring the moyashi to go ahead and wow him.

The moyashi knelt in front of his door and inserted the whatever-it-was into the lock. Scoffing slightly Kanda turned away – did the idiot really think he could pick the lock, just like that? The brat had probably seen it on some movie or other and had no idea what the hell he was doing. Stupid moyashi. It would probably be quicker just to walk down to the landlord's office – what was his name again? – and ask for another key. In fact, it would probably be quicker to go and get another key cut. Then, of course, there was always the possibility that Kanda could just break the door down and...

_Click_.

Well. The moyashi had actually managed to pick the lock.

Who would've guessed it?

* * *

As always, Kanda woke up about ten minutes before six and was dressed and ready for the day a few seconds before the second hand crossed the twelve, announcing that it was officially six in the morning. Today was a Sunday, so he didn't need to worry about working or any shit like that, but that didn't mean he was going to spend all day in bed like many people would. He had better things to do than that.

Apparently, so did his neighbour.

"Two hundred and eighty nine... Two hundred and ninety..." Moyashi's voice sounded strained as though whatever it was he was doing was incredibly difficult, and Kanda tilted his head to one side, listening with an emotion he would never admit was curiosity. Irritation was more like it. When he'd bought the place, he hadn't realised quite how thin the walls between them were; it almost sounded as though the moyashi was in the same room as him.

Kanda bit back an annoyed sigh and swept through the hallway into the kitchen, his unbound hair a dark curtain halfway down his back. Unwilling to cook anything so early in the morning, he grabbed an apple and entertained himself with the thought that today was probably going to be an awful day.

On the plus side, he couldn't hear the moyashi's whiny voice from in the kitchen.

There was a good chance that Marie (the only tolerable member of his 'family') and the gruesome twosome would pay him a visit later to help him settle in – as if he wanted that sort of sentimental crap!

Therefore, the only logical course of action was for him to get the hell away from that apartment that would no doubt end up a crime scene sometime in the next six months. Damn salesmen just didn't know when to quit. Kanda was certain that any self-respecting homeowner would agree with his sentiments on the matter and would not blame him for such a violent reaction.

Carelessly, Kanda threw a long, black coat on over his dark shirt and trousers, lamenting the fact that taking Mugen with him would only get him into trouble with the police. Not that that would stop him usually, but he wanted to at least give them a decent reason to hate him, rather than the stupid excuse of 'you were carrying a dangerous weapon'.

Right. Mugen was only dangerous to those who didn't value their lives. Like the moyashi.

This time when Kanda left the house, he made certain several times that his key was safely tucked inside his pocket, and he settled his trademark scowl into place as he stormed through the apartment building.

Frankly, Kanda wasn't sure why he had chosen to come back and live _here_ of all places, but Tiedoll liked it in England and no doubt the man would have a heart attack if Kanda stayed out in Japan on his own. Not that Kanda wasn't perfectly capable of managing on his own, and he would be lying if he said that he didn't want the geezer to have a heart attack, but even so, it would take a lot of time and effort to arrange a funeral.

Time and effort that Kanda was not prepared to waste.

The weather was abysmal, but Kanda supposed that that was to be expected of England, particularly so late in the year. Mere seconds after stepping out of the building his long hair was saturated with rainwater and Kanda could feel his mood gradually worsening with every step he took. He found himself grumbling under his breath at the strangest of things as he walked.

It did nothing to lighten his spirits.

Kanda had long since gotten over the naive idea that the world was all sunshine and rainbows (although Kanda was firmly convinced that he had never even _considered_ such a ridiculous notion). So, when he saw horribly depressing sights – such as shops that didn't sell soba – he didn't usually allow it to affect him.

However, today seemed a little bit different. He wasn't quite sure how or why, but today everything seemed to be pressing down upon him – a sense of foreboding, like something terrible was about to happen. It was similar to the feeling he got every time Tiedoll decided to pay a visit.

He must've wandered for a good two hours before he decided that it was time to head back. There were only so many times he could walk around the neighbourhood, and as he hadn't thought to grab his wallet, he couldn't take a bus into the centre of the city; it would take too long to walk, even for him.

Before returning to his apartment, Kanda stopped off at the little cafe-place around the corner and killed ten minutes or so with a cup of tea – so much better than coffee in his not-so-humble opinion. The tea here was pretty good too, much like the soba had been; Kanda could almost see himself becoming a regular here.

"You totally should've been there! It was awesome; I was talking to this really hot chick, you know? There I was, being all polite and shit when her boyfriend walks up, and he was this huge great guy, right, so I was all 'hey dude, it was harmless', and he was all 'I'm gonna fucking kill you' so I hightailed it outta there and... Are you even listening, Allen?"

The voice was loud and obnoxious, and Kanda immediately wanted to wring the throat of its owner, even before he stepped into the cafe.

"Yeah, of course." And, there he was. The current bane of Kanda's existence. The moyashi. "Morning, Jerry."

"Allen!" The chef cooed happily even as the waitress – a different one this time who seemed intent on hiding her flushed cheeks from the moyashi – led them to a table. "Good morning! What will you be having today, sweetie? The usual?"

"You bet!" The moyashi smiled and Kanda had to fight back the urge to gag, or throttle the kid. Or something.**(3)**

"It'll be right out," Jerry promised, gazing at Allen adoringly. "What about you, Lavi?"

Oh. Oh _fuck_ no. What had Kanda ever done to deserve this? Apart from the incident with the granny, her stuffed cat and the tomato juice**(4)** (though that was beside the point). Hadn't he been sufficiently punished for that when Tiedoll confiscated his Mugen?

Apparently not – it seemed that the fates had it in for him that day.

"Yuu-chan!"

* * *

**1 - Yeah, Lenalady. No, Allen is not there, he's already working. Imagine she stayed behind to tidy up or something similar. Or maybe she forgot her toothpaste. I dunno.  
2 - _Not_ the way that you are thinking. Unless you really want him to check everywhere with Allen watching (durhurhur)  
3 - Something. Like jump the moyashi.  
4 - Use your imaginations on this one. I will never elaborate.**

**Review please?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Unedited and unbeta'd, so please forgive any mistakes. Also, please forgive shortness, as my muse has curled up in a corner and died. Not to mention I have a pounding headache. Even so, I hope you can enjoy this for what it is, and leave me a review.**

**D. Gray-man is not mine. If it was, Kanda would not have buggered off with Alma, and would have, instead, stayed with Allen (and had lots and lots of sexytimes)**

* * *

"Good evening, boy," a silky voice whispered behind Allen.

"Evening, Tyki," Allen smiled, hanging his coat up on the free peg and gathering his hair at the base of his skull. If he left it down while he was working then it would fall into his eyes and distract him. Tyki sighed disappointedly behind him, and when Allen turned around, he was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

"I'll manage to scare you one of these days, you just wait and see" he muttered, his golden eyes narrowed but alight with silent laughter. Allen only grinned.

"Tyki, I lived with Cross for five years – nothing you can do will scare me." Tyki nodded thoughtfully.

"I suppose you do have a point there, boy," he conceded. Allen tipped him an imaginary hat, his silver eyes shining. Out of all of the members of the 'Noah clan' – as they affectionately referred to themselves as – Tyki was one of Allen's favourites. Not, of course, that he'd ever admit to that out loud. He just thought that Tyki was far more laid back, and generally easier to be around.

Allen was good friends with all of them, and though their many quirks took some time to get used to, they had seen Allen through thick and thin. He relied on them almost as much as he relied on Lenalee and Lavi (that was to say, a _lot_).

Ever since he had moved into this part of the city three years ago, Allen had been working at the casino; his poker skills had proved to be invaluable when it came to dealing cards.

Particularly when there was someone the Earl wanted to win over.

"Oh, and boy, the Earl wants Anita from the Asian Branch Records to support him – I trust you can make it happen," Tyki said, eyeing Allen with an unfathomable expression on his face. Allen had never quite been sure whether or not Tyki approved of his cheating – probably not. Tyki always lost to him.

Allen racked his brains. Anita, Anita... Oh!

"Long, dark hair, right? The young Chinese woman who never goes anywhere without her bodyguard?" Allen asked, his brow crinkling as he ran through lists of reasons the Earl would want Anita's support. She was a wealthy woman, certainly, but the Earl had never before shown interest in her or her fortune.

"That's right; how do you know her?" Tyki asked with a frown. Allen grimaced, turning away so that strands of his white fringe hid his eyes.

"Master dated her for a while," Allen groused, his shoulders slumping. He hated to be reminded of the womanising bastard. Tyki immediately winced in sympathy and understanding – having met Cross only a few times, the man couldn't even begin to imagine what horrors Allen must have seen.

Suddenly, Allen's entire demeanour changed – he straightened up, a broad smile stretching across his face, the light returning to his eyes. Tyki was rather taken aback by the sudden change – though, really he should have been used to the boy's mood swings by now.

Honestly, sometimes it seemed like he was two different people.

"I suppose I'd better get to work before the Earl fires me, hadn't I?" Allen asked rhetorically. Tyki just raised an eyebrow at the boy's behaviour – really, he was almost as unpredictable as the Earl at times.

"I suppose so, boy," Tyki agreed, following him, his gait lazily graceful.

Allen often wondered what Tyki and the rest of the Noah actually did at the Ark – he had never really seen them working. Rhode and Tyki were like his own personal stalkers; Skin could often be found in the corner nibbling on a toffee or something of the sort whilst the twins spent most of their time irritating whomever they could. Occasionally they would provide live entertainment, but it was rare.

Lulubelle sometimes sang and danced – she had a lovely, rich voice and a fantastic figure. However, mostly she just stood behind the bar, her expression cool and aloof. It was quite rare that anyone would actually order a drink; Lulu (as she was affectionately known) had a 'back-off-or-I'll-kill-you-with-a-slow-and-tortuous-method' kind of vibe about her. The only ones she was ever openly kind to were her family members.

And now Allen, as he had been unofficially accepted into the 'clan'.

Sheryl was frankly... weird. Almost as weird as the creepy-stalker-guy from the end of the street, but Allen preferred not to dwell on that. Though they didn't share a last name – they had been adopted – Tyki and Sheryl were actually brothers, and Allen was often quite disturbed at the level of devotion Sheryl showed his little brother.

Wisely was quite a good friend of Allen's – they had similar tastes and interests, and though they were both quite quiet at times, they got along well together. Even so, Allen had no idea what Wisely actually did at the Ark.

There were several other members of the family that Allen had seen in passing now and again, but he'd never spoken to them. If he was being perfectly honest, they scared the living daylights out of him.

"Allen!" Cried a familiar voice, and Allen had just enough time to brace himself before Rhode crashed into his back. "Good evening!" Allen held back a laugh as a slightly sticky kiss was planted on his cheek.

"Hello, Rhode," he smiled. She laughed, her voice soft and high as she slipped easily off of his back, taking his hand. Neither of them bothered by the display of affection; Rhode held hands with all of her friends. It meant little to nothing.

Tyki and Rhode scarpered as soon as he began actually doing the job for which he was paid. He didn't see where they vanished to, nor did he pay any attention to his surroundings; he dealt cards automatically, shuffling on autopilot. Once he'd identified Anita, he was careful to make sure that she won almost every game in the least ostentatious way possible. It wouldn't do to have her accused of cheating, after all.

By the time Allen finished his shift, he was exhausted and was no longer really aware of what was going on around him. He startled rather badly when the twins slung their arms around his shoulders, their grins wide and utterly identical in their evil aura.

"Hey, Allen, we searched through yours texts while you were working," Devitto said calmly, as though it were the most normal of things to do. Which, admittedly, may have been exactly what he thought.

"And guess what, guess what, hee!" Jasdero added, giggling happily at the thought of knowing something that Allen didn't. Allen just sighed and raised a mock-curious eyebrow.

"That red-haired friend of yours can't come and pick you up, I'm afraid..." Devitto sighed. Jasdero picked up from where his brother left off.

"Said something about his job, hee!"

Allen sighed, irritated. Of course, Lavi wouldn't be showing up to drive him home; Allen had yet to learn how to drive, and there were no buses that stopped near the Ark or the Black Order. It looked like he would be in for a long walk.

"Would you like a lift, boy?" Tyki asked, appearing at Jasdero's side, apparently from nowhere. Allen considered him for a moment with his head tilted to the side like a bird. Tyki said nothing more, just watching Allen watching him. They remained in stalemate for a few moments more, whilst all around them slowly sidled away. The air was almost as intense as when they played poker together, and the observers felt more than a little awkward standing so close to them.

Then Allen smiled, and the atmosphere was broken suddenly.

"Sure. Thanks, Tyki."

* * *

"You know, Rhode hasn't stopped talking about ever since you two broke up. It's really beginning to irritate me," Tyki said casually as he pulled away from the curb. Allen didn't reply, instead choosing to stare out of the window with distant eyes. "Then again, it wasn't any different when she _was_ going out with you," Tyki sighed.

"I'm sure," Allen smiled weakly. "She always seemed a little... obsessed, I suppose." Tyki laughed warmly.

"That's one way of putting it, I guess. From where I was standing it never really looked like you minded, though."

"In that case, I think you need to get your eyes tested," Allen shrugged. "She scared me at times." Tyki laughed and nodded along – Rhode scared everyone at times, her family included.

They were silent for the rest of the journey.

Allen politely thanked Tyki when he pulled over a couple of blocks from his apartment and stepped out of the car, shivering slightly at the sudden drop in temperature. He stuck his hands in his pockets and started walking briskly, hoping that the exercise would warm him slightly.

It was only when he was one block from the building that he noticed someone walking behind him – the footsteps were light, almost unnoticeable, but Allen had long since developed a sixth sense for this sort of thing; he knew that whoever it may be was watching him. Their steps were unhurried, and there was no evidence that they meant him ill, so Allen focused on regulating his breathing and remaining calm.

By the time he reached his flat, he was almost certain that the unnamed person was deliberately following him; it was severely unlikely that they would _just so happen_ to end up on the same floor as him.

However, when the maybe-stalker stopped outside of the door next to Allen's and began to rummage through his (?) pockets, Allen realised what had happened.

And felt an irresistible urge to butt in.

"Excuse me, do you need any help?" Allen asked as politely as possible, though he couldn't stop the small smirk that crept its way onto his face. The not-stranger turned around, and Allen swore he saw the other man do a slight double-take. It took all of Allen's years of honing his mask to prevent him from doing the same; the man had a strange, androgynous beauty to him that Allen had never seen outside of Lenalee's 'secret' yaoi collection. That she had insisted on showing him. Several times.

If Allen was forced to guess, he would say that the man was a couple of years older than him, however the stern expression and hardened eyes made him appear older. Then again, Allen wasn't really one to judge someone by their appearance – from the back he looked about eighty.

"What was that, moyashi?" The man asked, his voice quiet and deadly. Allen's eyebrow twitched slightly at being called a beansprout, but at least now he was reasonably sure that this was Kanda. He felt himself automatically slip into 'dark Allen' mode – as it had been dubbed by Lavi in a fit of drunken brilliance.

"I asked if you needed any help, but I can see that you're managing just _splendidly_ on your own, so I'll stop being such a bother," Allen smiled in way that he just knew would get under the other's skin. He turned away, unlocking his front door and taking a deliberately slow step inside, waiting patiently...

"Oi, moyashi," he said, and Allen's grin when he turned around seemed to swallow the entirety of his face. He saw the way Kanda gritted his teeth and silently applauded this small victory.

"I locked my keys in the apartment. Help me." Allen sighed, despairing to himself – what had the world come to when simple manners were apparently so impossible to use?

"Ah-ah, I think you mean 'please help me, neighbour'," Allen grinned happily, and he could feel Kanda's murderous rage building.

"I know exactly what I said, and I meant every fucking word of it. Now either help me, or get the hell out of my face," Kanda snapped, and Allen had to fight desperately against the giggle that rose in his throat. He'd almost forgotten how much fun it could be; riling people up this way, and it seemed that Kanda had quite a short temper as it was. It was almost too easy. He shrugged casually, turning away and walking into his room, rummaging around quickly in the drawer that sat near to the door.

Withdrawing his set of lock-picks, Allen turned back into the corridor, to be faced with the sight of Kanda's back as he stormed down the hall.

"I thought you wanted some help," Allen called, unable to mask his amusement any further. Kanda spun around, his expression furious, though Allen could sense the curiosity as his eyes fixed on the lock picks that Allen casually whirled around his finger.

"Che, I guess the landlord actually had enough brain cells to realise that he should give you two keys," Kanda snorted, and Allen laughed rolling his eyes, catching the lock picks in his palm.

"Are you kidding me? He wouldn't even give me spare keys for _my_ apartment," Allen shuddered internally. Komui was great, but he could be a strange man at times. "No, this is even better." Carefully, Allen knelt in front of the door and inserted one of the lock picks into the door, ignoring the way Kanda scoffed and turned away down the hall.

A triumphant grin spread across Allen's face when he felt the lock give, and he stepped back, opening the door and allowing Kanda to stomp past him without so much as a word of thanks.

How very rude.

* * *

When Allen awoke, he was sweating and gasping, clumps of hair plastered to his head and neck. Images flickered behind his eyes whenever he shut them, and he sighed, knowing that he would not be able to get back to sleep in this state. Sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he ran a hand through his matted hair and stumbled towards the kitchen, putting the kettle on. Once he had a hot cup of coffee in his grasp, he returned to his room to begin the task he hated above all – counting Cross's debts.

"Two hundred and eighty nine... Two hundred and ninety..." Allen thought he was going to faint. He thought he could hear someone shuffling around next door – it had been so long since he had had a neighbour that he had forgotten how thin the walls were between them. All he could do was hope that Kanda didn't snore.

By the time Allen had finished it was almost time for him to meet up with Lavi for their ritual Sunday morning breakfast. Since it was the only day the two of them both had off, this had become something of a habit for them. Sometimes Lenalee would join them, but mostly she enjoyed being able to sleep in. He hopped in the shower, shivering as he waited for the water to heat up. He washed himself as quickly as possible, trying not to glance down and see the various scars that littered his skin. There was hardly enough time for him to get dressed and ready before his friends arrived.

"Hey, Allen!" Lavi called, knocking rather loudly on the door.

"Allen! It's your gaydian angels!" Lenalee added, and Allen rolled his eyes at the pair; perhaps it was only him that thought that they were perfect for one another. The two had proclaimed themselves his 'gaydian angels' (despite vehement protests that he was _not_ gay) and for some unexplainable reason, the name had stuck.

Upon opening the door, Allen was greeted by the sight of his friends' grins, and without even meaning to, he could feel himself smiling back. Lavi threw himself at the smaller boy, wailing about how sorry he was that he couldn't pick Allen up from work.

"Allen, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to! How can I make it up to you? I'll do anything! A lifetime of servitude! A year's worth of sexual favours! Just forgive me, please!" Allen sighed, awkwardly patting Lavi's back and reassuring him that he'd been just fine with Tyki.

"You ready to go, Allen?" Lenalee asked, smiling at him. "Jerry'll start worrying if you don't show up soon!"

Allen shrugged Lavi off and slung on the nearest jacket – a black military-style coat with red trimmings and a strange crest on the left-hand side of his chest. Lenalee had chosen it for him, declaring that it emphasized his best features.

Lenalee walked between 'her' boys, linking arms with them both and causing quite a spectacle when Lavi began singing 'follow the yellow brick road' as loud as he could. Allen blushed and tried to hide his face behind his hair – even after all of these years, he was unable to get used to Lavi's enthusiasm for everything.

"Hey Allen," Lenalee said suddenly, her voice filled with an emotion Allen couldn't put a name to. "Do you mind going on ahead for a little bit? I need to talk to Lavi."

Allen frowned and hesitated slightly before nodding, a bright smile masking his anxiety. "Sure thing, Lenalee!"

Lenalee waited until he was safely out of earshot before turning to Lavi and hissing in his ear. "Have you met Allen's new neighbour yet?" Lavi's eye widened and he shook his head.

"No. Why, have you?"

"No, not yet," Lenalee whispered. "But if he's cute, we need to find a way to set Allen up with him! What are the angels for, after all? But... I'm starting to get kind of worried, you know? I mean, what if Allen really isn't gay?"

"Lenalady, seriously? Allen's so far in the closet, he's in freaking Narnia."

* * *

In the end, Lenalee had to leave them after she received a rather distressed phone call from her brother, claiming that the toaster was committing mutiny and attempting to destroy the kitchen. Of course, with Komui it was likely an experiment gone wrong, but either way, Lenalee didn't dare leave him to sort it out himself.

Allen tuned out most of Lavi's ramblings – he was sure that he had heard this story before, so he didn't feel the urge to listen too closely. It was easy enough to nod along and hum in agreement in the appropriate places.

When the pair arrived at Jerry's cafe, they were greeted with the usual level of enthusiasm by the exuberant chef, and Allen smiled politely at Lou-Fa when she led them to a table. He glanced away before he could notice the immediate blush sweeping over her cheeks. Lavi grinned at it – for someone so attentive to others, Allen could be so oblivious at times.

Allen had almost sat down, when Lavi's sudden, joyous cry made him jump and spin around.

"Yuu-chan!"

Allen raised an eyebrow, though he kept his mouth shut – what an interesting turn of events. The man sitting before Lavi (currently with a positively murderous expression on his face) was Kanda. And, apparently, Lavi somehow knew him.

However, Allen's attention quickly drifted away from their conversation – he used the term loosely, as it mostly consisted of _Yuu-chan!_s and death threats – when his food was brought out. He fell upon it as though he had been starving for a month, and he could almost sense Kanda's shocked (and possibly disgusted) gaze on him.

"Oh yeah! Introduction time!" Lavi chirped, standing up and sweeping his hand dramatically between Allen and Kanda.

"There's no need, Lavi," Allen said between mouthfuls of pancakes. "We've already met."

Immediately, he felt bad when Lavi's face dropped and his eye darted between them. For a moment, he felt a little bad for raining on his friend's parade, but then he saw the beginnings of a smirk playing at Lavi's mouth, and felt a shiver run down his spine. Nothing good could come of that look.

"Oh? And how did you meet the lovely Yuu-chan, little buddy?" Lavi asked.

"He's my new neighbour," Allen replied, and he was almost afraid to realise that Lavi's grin had only stretched further across his face, the glint in his eye growing. Desperately fighting the ever-increasing urge to flee, Allen gulped slightly and turned back to his food.

"Oh really?" Lavi asked. If he had not been in public – or at least in front of Allen and Kanda – then he would have broken into fits of evil, cackling laughter. This was completely perfect; he couldn't wait to tell Lenalee about this later. Both Allen and Kanda frowned, not quite sure what he was supposed to be implying.

"Yes really, baka usagi," Kanda growled, and Allen almost choked on his waffle. His eyes began watering, and Lavi pounded him enthusiastically on the back until his airways finally cleared, and he was able to laugh without worrying about dying. Stupid rabbit! Kanda called Lavi a stupid rabbit! It almost made up for the whole beansprout thing – honestly, it wasn't as if it was Allen's fault that he was slightly shorter than average. He blamed genetics.

"You okay there, Al?" Lavi asked with the utmost concern for his friend. Allen nodded, wheezing slightly as he fought for air.

"Baka... usagi," he gasped, clutching at his stomach. He might have to thank Kanda for this one – he'd needed a nickname for Lavi for quite a while. Lavi didn't seem best pleased by his amusement, and Kanda just looked bored. "Thank you for this," he said, glancing at Kanda through watering eyes. "I'm in your eternal debt, figuratively speaking."

"In that case, you can get out of my sight, moyashi," Kanda growled, and Allen felt the smile freeze on his face; he thought he felt his eyebrow twitch again, and when he spoke, his voice was sickeningly sweet.

"Now Kanda, that's not very nice – you should be more polite to the person that managed to unlock your door yesterday." Ignoring Lavi's mutters about how very _wrong_ that statement sounded, Allen watched Kanda's face carefully for a reaction. Maybe it was just his imagination, but he thought that he saw the scowl on Kanda's face deepen a little further, and the irritation in his eyes grow. Allen counted that as a victory.

"Whatever, baka moyashi," Kanda huffed, folding his arms and turning his head to stare out of the window.

"So... how do you two know each other?" Allen asked, careful to swallow his mouthful of bacon before speaking.

"Me and Yuu-chan went to school together!" Lavi chirped. "He left to go wherever a few months before you turned up, moyashi-chan!" Allen almost groaned aloud at Lavi's easy adoption of the new, irritating nickname. Maybe he had been too quick to thank Kanda; he would have to find some way to retaliate without making it too obvious that he was doing so.

"Moyashi-chan, you go tell Lenalady about this!" Lavi grinned, wrapping a firm arm around Allen's neck, tousling his hair with the other hand. Allen scowled and shoved him off, but stood up nonetheless. Lavi grinned and kissed Allen's cheek. "Thanks, little pal!"

"Whatever," Allen sighed, paying Jerry and walking to the front of the shop. "See you later, Jerry, Lou-Fa, Lavi..." Allen's grin turned wicked suddenly, and he could see Lavi shudder, even from halfway across the cafe. "Later... baKanda."

He didn't stay to savour the homicidal look on Kanda's face. He was too busy running for his life.

* * *

**So... the 'gaydian angels' and Narnia jokes are both real-life, inside jokes shared by me and a few of my friends... ironically enough, towards our very own moyashi (no lie. We really call him that) It was actually stuff like this that first awoke within me this plot bunny.**


	4. Chapter 4

**This took far, far too long to write, and still ended up being one of the shorter, less funny chapters. Sorry 'bout that. I hope that there are still those of you willing to read this, and well... Enjoy, I suppose. Reviews are very nice and shiny and lovely, cough. Also, please forgive any mistakes, I was kind of rushing to get this out, and it is unedited. I apologise in advance.**

**Disclaimer - me no owny DGM. Got that?**

* * *

Lenalee had known Allen for a long time, and could quite confidently say that, out of all of his friends, she and Lavi were the ones who knew him the best. Which was why she knew something was bothering him when he trudged into Komui's apartment with his head hanging slightly and a speculative, slightly sad look in his grey eyes. He hid the signs well, but she noticed them almost immediately. Allen's mask worked on everyone he knew, but she wasn't everyone. She was Lenalee Lee, almost-big-sister and best friend extraordinaire; not even Allen-the-grand-master-of-the-poker-face could hide anything from her and her woman's intuition.

"Allen!" She cried, rushing forward to hug him, ignoring the way her brother glared at the young, white-haired man. "What's wrong, sweetie? Tell me, Allen, you're scaring me" Allen sniffed quietly and looked at Lenalee with wide, earnest eyes; when he spoke, his voice trembled slightly.

"Lenalee, you're my friend, right?" He asked sadly, his gaze pleading with her – though for what, she couldn't yet say. At her nod, he continued with his speech. "And I can always trust you to tell me the absolute truth, right?" She nodded again, brow furrowed as she wondered where he was going with this. "Well then, can you tell me the total, brutal, honest truth... Am I really that short?"

Lenalee blinked.

"Well, Allen," Lenalee began, torn between telling the truth as she had agreed to do, or telling a little white lie to make her friend feel better. She stared into the large grey eyes and made up her mind. "You're five foot six... And a half. That's not _really_ short, and you _are_ taller than me." She hoped desperately that that would be enough to placate him. "Um, but if you don't mind me asking, what suddenly brought this on?"

"That means yes, doesn't it? I knew it! Oh God, I'm going to kill that jerk for being right! Why? Why am I so short, Lenalee? It isn't fair! I never asked for this! It isn't my fault my genetics are so cruel to me! And it isn't like he can say much, the arsehole, he's only a few inches taller than me! He has absolutely no right to call me a beansprout, especially after what I did for him, and I wouldn't forgive him even if he got down on his knees and begged... Although I would dearly love to see that," Allen chuckled, his eyes darkening and horns suddenly sprouting from beneath white hair as his entire attitude shifted into dark mode. Deciding it was time to take drastic action, Lenalee grabbed his shoulders and shook him; hard.

"Allen! Calm down! I don't have a clue what you're talking about, so please just get a grip," she begged.

Allen seemed to snap out of whatever trance he had entered, meeting her eyes with a slightly confused gaze. Lenalee let him go and shook her head despairingly – dealing with Allen was like dealing with a bipolar two year old with an extended vocabulary and a terrifying dark side.

"Your friend Kanda is back in town – he's my new neighbour," Allen began solemnly, and Lenalee's eyes widened, her breath leaving her in a shocked _whoosh_. "That bastard called me a moyashi after I was good enough to let him back into his flat because the idiot locked his keys in."

Lenalee frowned. "A... moyashi?"

"A beansprout," Allen confided, scowling angrily. His mood had done a complete 180, and Lenalee felt herself shiver as the temperature of the room dropped roughly ten degrees. "I mean, really! A beansprout? I'm not even _that_ short."

Allen nodded to himself as though finalising his point, and Lenalee sighed, more than used to his little monologues and mood swings. She sometimes wondered if there was another little Allen living up there in his mind, but she didn't like to dwell on it too much. The poor boy already had enough issues to be dealing with.

"So, where's Kanda now?" She asked, hoping that it wouldn't push him back into his dark mode. With Allen, you could never be too careful, and Lenalee was of the firm opinion that it was better to be safe than sorry.

"In Jerry's cafe," Allen shrugged. "Lavi's already there with him, he told me to come and get you."

"Lenalee, _no_!" Cried a desperate voice from the kitchen, and not two seconds later, Komui had rushed into the hallway, tears dripping down his face as he clung to his sister's arm. "You can't go yet! You still haven't fixed my toaster, and you know that you make the best coffee..."

"Brother," Lenalee sighed, shaking her head sadly before kicking him square in the nose. "Kanda is my friend; he isn't about to rape me, no matter what you may think and you aren't going to stop me from going to see him. I can't fix the toaster because you stuck a knife in it, and how you managed to do that without electrocuting yourself, I'll never know. Just throw it away and buy a new one – it's not as if you don't have enough money. There's a Starbucks just around the corner if you're that desperate for coffee, or you can wait until later. I'm going to go and hang out with my friends, and please don't try to stop me, I'm not a child anymore," she finished firmly.

Komui's mouth had dropped open, though conversations like that were reasonably common between the two. Allen kept quiet, knowing full well that the Chinese man was prone to being quite volatile after an argument with his sister.

Lenalee spun around on her heel, grabbed Allen's hand and all-but dragged him from her brother's apartment, grumbling under her breath the entire time. The poor, abused boy went along with it, though he didn't really understand what she had to grumble about – Komui only acted the way he did to protect her, because he cared for and loved her. Allen would do anything to have a sibling like that, even if Komui did take 'overprotective' to a whole new level.

Heaving a silent sigh, Allen allowed Lenalee to drag him through the hallways and down the stair, not even flinching as the girl almost ripped his arm from its socket. When dealing with Lenalee, it was best that he waited for her to calm down before getting her to talk to him about it over coffee or ice cream. Allen liked to think that he was one of her best friends, and knew that the girl would tell him almost anything, if he only pouted enough.

Even after so long, Allen had trouble trusting other people, so he could understand when someone chose to keep something from him – however, he hoped that his friends could trust him enough to let him in on their thoughts and feelings, even if he could not truthfully return the favour.

Watching the Lee siblings interact brought about a pang of nostalgia – he couldn't help but remember the way his life had been when he still had Mana. His felt his heart twinge slightly, but he pushed the feeling aside, hoisting a bright smile on his face as Lenalee turned to speak to him. It made his face ache a little bit, and he felt as though it was a struggle to maintain the expression, but he did so anyway.

"I'm sorry about that, Allen," Lenalee said, shaking her head indulgently. "You know what he gets like, particularly when it comes to boys."

Allen chuckled lightly, and was reasonably pleased when it sounded natural. "It's fine, Lenalee, I've had plenty of time to get used to it. I think I'm just lucky I managed to make such a good first impression on him – he's never seemed like he wants to kill me." It was something that had always confused the white haired boy but when he brought it up, Lenalee had always developed a rather suspicious look and quickly found something to divert the boy's attention.

"Yes, it is a little odd... oh look, a waffle stand! That wasn't there yesterday, was it?" Allen frowned, but let it drop for the moment, hurrying over to the stand to purchase a couple of waffles. Despite having already eaten breakfast, he felt that there was always room for a dessert.

The instant he returned, Lenalee began chattering just a little too brightly in his ear, wondering why she always avoided his questions as to why Komui was so tolerant of him. In the end, he shrugged it off, knowing that the older (by only a few months, as he insisted every time someone brought it up) girl wouldn't reveal anything she did not want to. So, Allen just smiled and nodded in all of the right places, slipping easily into his role as best friend. He loved Lenalee, he really did, but sometimes it all felt just a little synthetic, as though he had never really grown out of his habit of wearing masks.

When they stepped back into the beautiful warmth of Jerry's cafe, they were immediately greeted by the sound of Lavi's cry of pain and subsequent shout.

"Ah, my face! Why would you do that? I need that, Yuu-chan!" Lavi yelled, clutching his now-bleeding nose. There was a scoff from Kanda as Allen immediately rushed to his friend's side.

"For what, baka usagi?" Kanda asked mockingly, only for a shocked gasp to escape his mouth when something smacked the back of his head – hard. No doubt he would later deny having made any kind of sound, but that was really rather irrelevant. He turned around to face a fuming Lenalee Lee, her arms crossed and her foot tapping against the ground, pretty features twisted into a scowl that seemed to almost mock Kanda's trademark expression. Despite himself, Allen was impressed, and he'd grown up with Cross.

"Kanda, that's enough!" She snapped, and Allen was alarmed to see tears gleaming in her large, so-blue-they-were-almost-purple eyes. "You haven't seen Lavi for years, so stop treating him like he's the dirt on the bottom of your shoe, or you can go and stand in the corner and think about what you've done."

That would have made Allen giggle, but the expression on Lenalee's face told him that she was completely serious and doing so would not be a good idea. Contrary to popular belief, Allen did value his life.

Turning away from Lenalee and Kanda who were now reminiscing – at least in Lenalee's case – over some inconsequential matter that had occurred before he had met either of them. Kanda looked thoroughly bored and/or irritated, but didn't seem to have the heart to tell Lenalee that. Allen smirked; so the man _did_ have a weakness. He would have to file that chunk of information away for future exploitation.

At Lavi's insistence, Allen checked to make sure that his nose was no longer bleeding – it wasn't – and handed him a tissue. It may have seemed feminine, but Allen always carried such essentials with him. It was a habit he had picked up during the time he had been travelling with Cross; the man was absolutely useless, and could hardly take care of himself, let alone a child. So, Allen had just had to make do, and take care of them both in the man's place.

"Al, lil' buddy, you're a lifesaver, you really are," Lavi proclaimed, cleaning the skin beneath his nose, the blood flow already lessening. "You're like the big-little brother I never had or particularly wanted." Allen chuckled, shaking his head.

"You too, Lavi," he replied easily.

When he glanced over at Lenalee and Kanda, he wasn't really surprised to see that Lenalee was sobbing, arms wrapped around the Japanese man who looked supremely awkward. His hands hovered a few inches above her back like he didn't really know what to do with them, and it looked like he would rather be repeatedly stabbing himself with a rusty spoon than have to deal with an emotional woman.

Allen could sympathise a bit. He had never really understood women.

Lavi smiled indulgently, rolling his eyes at the pair of them. "Lenalee always saw Yuu as the not-so-obsessed big brother that she always wanted," Lavi muttered to Allen who had glanced at him curiously. "I'm not really surprised that she's getting so... emotional over his return, y'know?"

He didn't really know, but he nodded along anyway.

Eventually, Lenalee's relentless tears abated and Kanda was finally able to draw away, his scowl a little less noticeable and fierce – though how Allen was already able to categorise Kanda's scowls was anyone's guess. Allen himself would put it down to his uncanny ability to read people. Lenalee and Lavi might have a few different suggestions.

Lavi, Lenalee and – well, not so much Kanda, but that was really rather irrelevant – began discussing where they could go to catch up and talk over what had happened in the past few years in which they had been separated. Allen smiled sadly to himself and made a hasty excuse when they invited him along – he didn't want to feel that he was barging in on something private between old friends. He smiled and waved away their concern easily, giving them a hasty goodbye and strolling out of the door. It was only once he was outside that he allowed the smile to splinter and fall.

His shoulders slumped and he turned to start walking briskly down the road, heading for a place he had often frequented as a child, a place he knew like the back of his hand.

_I need to talk to _them.

* * *

Kanda was starting to get sick of Lavi's incessant babbling. He had spent the past hour and a half relating every little thing that had happened since Kanda left – and unfortunately for him, Lavi had an excellent memory.

Eventually, however, even Lavi ran out of things to say. Lenalee had, for the most part, remained quiet, only chiming in with extra details every now and again. Kanda noticed that in stories concerning the moyashi, the two of them were often quite vague regarding details, but he didn't comment on it. However, the blessed silence could only last so long with Lavi around.

"Hey, Yuu-chan, what d'ya think of Allen?" Lavi asked curiously, leaning his chin on his palm to stare intently at his old friend. Kanda wasn't looking at him, his gaze focused on a bunch of flowers growing on the pond in the park in which they currently sat. For a moment, Lavi assumed that he hadn't heard him (after all, there had been no threats to his person after having used Kanda's first name) before the dark-haired man scoffed and turned back to face them.

"He's a brat and a moyashi who's too damn annoying for his own good. It's a miracle he's survived this long," Kanda replied, and was – almost – surprised to see Lavi and Lenalee's faces tighten slightly.

There was something that they weren't telling him, something to do with the moyashi. Of course, he couldn't really blame them, as he'd only known the brat for less than a day, but even so, it was strange for these two to keep secrets from him. They had two of the biggest mouths he'd seen in all of his twenty one years.

"Yeah. It is," Lenalee said softly, and Kanda pretended he hadn't heard her, turning his face back towards the lotuses in the pond. In truth, he was a little curious by what she had meant by that, but curiosity could go to Hell for all he cared – he wasn't going to ask about the moyashi. Let them slip and blurt it out to him in their own good time; he didn't doubt it would happen eventually.

When it came to the baka usagi and Lenalee, what Kanda knew and liked to think he knew could fill several encyclopaedias. He knew them well enough to know that all he had to do was be patient, and they would end up telling him everything, intentionally or not, at sword point or not.

"He actually reminds me a little bit of you, Yuu-chan," Lavi commented idly, twirling a stalk of grass between his fingertips. Kanda glowered at him, but Lavi either didn't notice or just ignored him.

"We're nothing alike," he growled furiously. "How can you compare a moyashi like him to me? What the fuck have you been smoking?" Lavi sighed, his green eye almost serious as he stared up at the sky, still absent-mindedly twirling his grass stalk. Lenalee bit her lip, looking slightly uncomfortable, though she didn't say anything. It was as if she didn't want Lavi to be talking about this, though she trusted his judgement for now. Kanda got the impression that if she felt Lavi was going too far then she would step in and stop him.

"Not so much in looks or surface personality – but you'd understand if you knew him. Allen's a guy of many levels, you know? What you've seen so far is just the first couple – his default 'polite' self, and his Dark Allen mode. Once you get to know him a bit better, you'll realise how little you actually know him; he's just one of those people. Me and Lena have been his friends for years, and we still only know about half of him, by our reckoning. We're waiting for the day when he opens up totally, but Allen has trust issues so we're not holding our breath. Can't say I blame him though, I mean-"

"Lavi!" Lenalee snapped, and Kanda turned to stare at her in surprise. It was rare for the young woman to get angry, and the fact that she was so agitated for the moyashi spoke volumes of her feelings for the younger boy. She wanted to protect him, and cared very much for him, that much was apparent to even a social recluse like Kanda. And when the girl was like that, you stood a snowball's chance in Hell of changing her mind.

In other words, you didn't even try; you just apologised quickly and contritely.

"Uh, right. Sorry 'bout that, Lenalady."

For a while, the three of them sat in awkward silence, none of them quite sure how to break it; what they should say. It was at this point that Lavi fell back into his default persona – the good-natured idiot.

"Fat penguins," he said, completely serious and deadpan. Kanda and Lenalee both shot him disbelieving looks. Noticing this, he shrugged; an innocent, butter-wouldn't-melt expression on his face.

"What? I needed something to break the ice."

* * *

Allen slumped on the ground, feeling the dew and rain soaking his trousers, though he didn't care enough to actually get up and move. It was eerily silent in the small, pretty cemetery – though how a cemetery managed to be pretty, Allen could never quite understand. Mana's grave was as immaculate as ever, the marble headstone glinting in the weak sunlight that filtered through the clouds.

Next to Mana's grave was another, almost identical one. This belonged to Neah, the uncle that Allen had never known – Mana's younger brother. He had been something of a celebrity; known to the public simply as the Fourteenth, he was a world-famous musician who had, in the eyes of the media, simply disappeared one day. People still speculated when he would return, and Allen knew that Mana had always been desperate for him to step up and fill his uncle's shoes. So much so, that Allen had started to wonder if Mana ever saw him at all, or if he was just the shadow of his father's dead brother. He wanted to make Mana happy more than anything in the world... However, a career like that had never appealed to Allen in the slightest.

He loved music in all its forms, and was talented at writing, singing and playing music. Yet, the thought of fame, fortune and everything that came with it was not something that he had ever desired. Of course, the money he could make would mean that he could pay off all of Cross's debts and never have to work again, but he didn't _want _to. He didn't _want_ to just be Neah's replacement; no matter how terrible he felt whenever he thought of it that way.

"Hello Mana, uncle Neah," Allen said, smiling sadly at the two graves. "I'm sorry that I've come to bother you like this, without any prior warning, but Lavi and Lenalee are catching up with an old friend of theirs, and I don't want to interrupt or get in the way." He laughed a little self consciously.

"I only met him yesterday – his name's Kanda Yuu and he's my new neighbour. I told you that someone was going to be moving in, didn't I? Well, as it happens, he went to school with Lavi and Lenalee; they're all really good friends, and I know that I would have felt awkward if I'd stayed with them. I can't seem to get on with him, and we'd only end up fighting, which would ruin it for Lavi and Lena.

"I don't really understand why they like him so much – please forgive my language, but he's a bit of an arsehole, to be perfectly honest – but I suppose they've known him for longer than I have and know him an awful lot better, too. It's just... They're my best friends, and I still feel like I can't get close to them, like they'll never be as important to me as you are. And I know that that's probably natural since you're my family, but I feel terrible that I can't give them the friendship that they want and deserve.

"I suppose that what I'm trying to say is; do you think you have any advice for me? Any words of wisdom from beyond the grave? I could really use your help now, Mana, uncle Neah. I feel... When I look at the three of them together, I feel strange and I don't understand why."

There was, predictably, no response.


	5. Chapter 5

**Aha! At last, another update! Thank you half term :) Anyway, now that I'm here I might as well go all out... ****I'M SO SORRY I DIDN'T UPDATE SOONER! I WILL COMPLETELY UNDERTSAND IF YOU ALL HATE ME FOREVER AND SEND ME HATE-FLAMES BECAUSE I AM SUCH A TERRIBLE PERSON.**

**No, that's a lie. Flames will be used to make smores. And I'm only a terrible person on days that end in 'y'.**

**Anyhoo, This chapter is somewhat short, somewhat cliched and somewhat unfunny, because I am lacking inspiration. It is also un-beta'd because I do not have an official Beta, and my unofficial Beta refuses to read any yaoi that I write... for now, mwahahaha. Feel free to point out any mistakes, inconsistancies, etc.**

**I am English. I cannot draw. I can just about manage to write. I am poor. Is that enough of a disclaimer for you?**

* * *

There were twelve tiny, hairline cracks in his ceiling, and those were just the ones that Kanda could see without a magnifying glass. He knew, because he'd spent the last hour and a half staring at them as he waited for some semblance of sleep to come and pay him a visit.

Kanda took a deep breath, holding it for five seconds before he let it out again. His left eyebrow twitched and he could feel his hands clench into fists without any conscious command to do so. Still, no matter what he did, what he tried, the sound of music still filtered through his wall and into his room, preventing him from getting to sleep. He clenched his teeth until his jaw began to ache, and calmed himself (just barely) with thoughts of precisely what colour the moyashi's blood would be once he'd run the idiot through with Mugen.

The music this time around was infinitely different compared to the last time it had bothered Kanda, but was no less annoying for it. Last time the so-called music had largely relied on computer editing and electronic beats; this time, it was upbeat, guitar-driven stuff that Kanda didn't care to identify.

In the moyashi's defence (not that the brat deserved defending) the music was actually pretty quiet – the only problem was how thin the walls were. Kanda could every word of the song, every drumbeat, every damn guitar chord. He had tried putting his own headphones in – but they were too uncomfortable to sleep with, so he had tried burying his head under the pillow, which hadn't helped in the slightest.

He'd only known the brat for a day and already he had shot to the very top of Kanda's 'to kill' list.

In the end, Kanda gave up on the idea of sleep altogether, throwing off the covers, padding into the kitchen and grabbing an orange. He peeled it quickly, throwing the skin into the bin in the corner and biting into the fruit. Relieved to discover that the orange wasn't too sweet – he couldn't stand sweet food – Kanda wiped at the fragrant juice running down his chin and slumped onto the sofa. Slowly, he rubbed his tired eyes, taking another bite and wondering if it would've been less messy if he'd separated the segments first.

Eventually, once he'd finished the orange and laid back on the sofa, he realised that from in here, he could no longer hear the moyashi's music. Sighing happily (or, as close to happily as Kanda could ever be) he rested his head on the arm of the sofa, closing his eyes and letting sleep take him.

Or at least, that was what he had intended to do.

The shrill ringing of his phone had other ideas, however, and there was just no way to ignore the utterly horrific song that was currently blasting from the speakers. Kanda assumed that either Daisya or the usagi had gotten a hold of his phone and changed the ringtone, because he – like any other sane person on the face of the planet – would never even _consider_ having _Aqua_ on his phone. Grumbling under his breath, he stalked towards the offending piece of technology, flipping it open and staring at the number for a few moments before pressing 'reject'.

How completely fucking appropriate.

* * *

Allen hummed along to the song happily, swaying his hips as he rummaged through drawers and hidey-holes, wondering what he could have done with his best pack of cards – the one he had long ago marked and memorised, as well as made copies of so that he could hide the better cards on his person. It was probably too late to be bothering, but he'd promised to meet Tyki and a few friends for a couple of games tomorrow... Or would that be today by now? Anyway, he didn't have to work Monday mornings, so he planned to make the most of it before hurrying to his _other_ job entertaining the diners at the small Italian restaurant 'Martel'.

It was strange, Allen mused; he'd been so sure that he'd left his cards in the drawer just beneath his bedside table, but when he'd opened it up to have a look, there'd been nothing. Well, a fair amount of dust and a couple of little baby spiders, maybe, but nothing _useful. _

Under the bed had proved fruitless as well, as had all of his kitchen cupboards, the medicine cabinet, under the sofa cushions and all of his pockets, in every single pair of trousers he owned (though why he would have left his best pack in any one of those places was a mystery to him). He would have been getting a little bit frantic by this point, if it weren't for the music that was still pouring from the speakers in the corner of his room.

"_Six o' clock already, I was just in the middle of a dream," _Allen crooned happily, thanking God for blessing him with a half-decent singing voice. He then thanked Lenalee for having bought him the compilation CD of various Eighties covers, and Lavi for having given him the Christmas money necessary to buy a semi-decent set of speakers.

Ten minutes later, and Allen was close to giving up. He couldn't think of anywhere else to look; sighing, he finally switched off his CD player and crawled under the covers, reaching up to flick off the lights. He shut his eyes and waited for sleep to claim him, sliding his hand under his pillow as he made himself comfortable. His fingers touched something hard and he frowned, sitting up and switching the light back on to have a look. Picking up the pillow, he felt an odd bubble of laughter gather in his chest when he realised it was the cards he had been searching for.

Well, that was that mystery solved.

Feeling oddly satisfied, Allen placed the cards next to him and curled up under the covers, once again throwing the room into darkness with a casual flick of the light switch.

It didn't take too long before he woke up to the uncomfortable feeling of sunlight piercing his eyelids, and he slowly blinked them open, wondering why it felt as though he'd only just drifted off to sleep.

Still, couldn't complain – at least he hadn't been troubled by any dreams, and he must have had at least seven hours sleep. For Allen, that was something of a record, and he stretched contentedly before sitting up and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Upon checking the time, he saw that he still had several hours before he was due to meet with Tyki, and for a moment he considered dozing off again before he shook his head and stood up. He swayed dizzily for a couple of seconds before his head cleared and he padded to the kitchen.

The sun was just pushing through the clouds outside, but Allen wasn't really surprised – the weather around this time of year could never seem to make up its mind.

Allen frowned when he realised that he had – once again – forgotten to restock his fridge, leaving him with only the leftovers of previous meal and some... things that didn't really look edible anymore. Grimacing, Allen gathered up the inedible mush and threw it away, opening up his cupboards and selecting some sort of cereal-and-fruit-bar. It wouldn't be enough to keep him going, but it might last until he could get to the shops and buy something more substantial. By his reckoning he had another four hours or so until he had to make his way to the Ark to meet Tyki.

He took a quick shower, jumping out as soon as he could when the water stubbornly refused to heat up, goose bumps covering his skin. Still, he warmed up once he was dressed, and within half an hour was wandering down the street, hands tucked deep in his pockets. He could feel himself tense as he neared the end of the street, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary, so he relaxed marginally.

Walking quickly with long strides, it took Allen no time at all to reach the corner shop several blocks away. It wasn't very big or particularly well-stocked (though the flowers sold there would make any florist weep in envy) but Krory – the man that ran the shop – was a friend of Allen's, even if he didn't know the man all that well. Even so, Krory had, like so many others, developed a habit of unloading all of his problems onto Allen.

"Good morning, Allen!" Krory said, smiling nervously as though, even after all this time, he still expected Allen to turn around and reject his tentative friendship.

Allen would, of course, never do such a thing – he had been raised far too well to something as insensitive as that. It would be an insult to Mana's memory.

Allen replied to Krory's warm greeting with the best smile he could muster, browsing around quickly for anything that would fill his fridge until he could reach the supermarket later in the week. It didn't take him long to get a couple of baskets' worth, and he knew that he'd best stop there if he wanted to be able to carry it all home. Allen prided himself on his fitness, but he was no bodybuilder and there was a lot of food there already.

"Thank you!" Krory called to Allen as he left the shop and Allen just shook his head, smiling gently to himself. Some people never changed.

Speaking of people who never changed – Allen quickened his pace and had to forcibly restrain himself from crossing the road when he saw the creepy stalker guy sitting on the wooden bench by the end of his road. He was, as usual, holding up a newspaper that obscured his face apart from his eyes, which were visible through two rather conspicuous holes that had been cut into the paper. Allen could just about see tufts of light-coloured hair peeping out over the top.

"Good morning, Walker," he called, and Allen wondered who he was trying to fool with the newspaper act. Unless he supposedly had x-ray vision, he would have had to lower the paper to see who it was. Really, whatever happened to good old common sense?

Actually, Allen rather thought Lavi might have burned it out of spite, but that was beside the point.

"Good morning, cree – ah, sir," Allen replied, correcting himself just in time. He shook his head slightly and tried to rid himself of the vaguely dirty feeling he got whenever the man's eyes lingered too long, hurrying past and towards the Black Order. Consoling himself with the thought that he would wash his hands as soon as he got inside, Allen jogged up the steps in front of the building.

It was only his sharp reflexes that kept him from crashing into the solid mass that suddenly appeared before him, spinning quickly out of the way in a display of agility that really should have been illegal outside of a Matrix film. He lifted his gaze and opened his mouth to apologise when his eyes met a pair of flaming dark blue pits.

"Watch it, moyashi," Kanda growled, and Allen lifted a calm eyebrow, relieved that he could no longer be traumatised by displays of anger – and all thanks to Cross's debt collectors. Who would've thought that he would one day actually find a reason to be grateful to them?

Besides; Kanda, it seemed, was all bark and no bite. And, well, even if he did bite, Allen was fairly sure that he could handle whatever the irate Japanese man threw at him.

"I think I should be the one saying that to you, baKanda. At least I moved out of the way for you, like a proper, functioning member of society should do," Allen said, his polite voice laced with mocking undertones. Normally he would always attempt to be kind and polite to anyone and everyone, but there was just something about Kanda that got under his skin and refused to budge – like a bug.

Now Allen had _lovely_ mental images of a bug-like Kanda burrowing under his skin. He decided to blame Kanda for that as well.

"Tch, whatever, just don't do it again, baka," Kanda grumbled, before turning and walking off, leaving Allen mourning the loss of a verbal spar to get his brain going. He took a quick, calming breath and strode through the glass doors, hurrying to the staircase.

Outside his door, he fumbled with keys for a few seconds before finding the right one, and shoved the door open with his hip, dumping the bags quickly to pull the door shut after him. He kicked his shoes off and made his way into the kitchen, almost dropping the bags in shock when he took in the sight of the tall red-haired man already standing there, calmly smoking a cigarette as though his presence there was the most natural thing in the world and not nothing short of a miracle.

"M-Master?" He asked, his voice cracking as he did so. "Why are you here? I thought you were in Italy."

"I was," Cross replied, blowing smoke in Allen's face and smirking when the boy coughed slightly. "Then I got bored and came back to make sure you hadn't killed yourself while I was gone."

Allen sighed and set down his bags on the counter, leaning against it and pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation. How many times did this make? "You mean you ran out of money and came to see if I had any spare; it's always the same with you. Please don't make excuses and pretend to care about me, Master, it really doesn't suit you at all. Besides, I haven't tried that since I was fifteen."

"That you'll admit to," Cross corrected easily, flicking ash onto the floor. "Besides, brat, you should have a bit more respect and not use that tone in my presence; I won't tolerate you speaking to me like that after everything I've done for you."

"'Everything you've done for me'? Is that supposed to be a joke, Master?" Allen asked belligerently.

"I don't joke, idiot apprentice," Cross snorted. "Now, how has everything been going? When are you going to get your ass in gear and start looking for university places? And don't give me any crap about a gap year, because I know you and you don't slack off for anything." He added when he saw Allen's mouth open to protest. "What about that place your friends go to? Have you tried applying?"

"Master, why are you suddenly so interested?" Allen asked, frowning. "The only reason I didn't go to uni was so that I could carry on paying off your debts like you told me to!"

"Idiot apprentice, what are you talking about? I never said that – or if I did, I was drunk and you should know better than to listen." Cross waved away Allen's comment like it was a particularly persistent mosquito.

"I thought you didn't get drunk, Master," Allen grumbled quietly, though Cross still heard him.

"I don't. Now think about that university thing – I know Mana left you a bunch of money for it so you don't have to worry about earning it yourself, idiot apprentice."

And with that, he turned and left.

* * *

Kanda scowled, sitting on the park bench he had shared with Lenalee and the baka usagi the day before, shutting his eyes and trying to ignore the way his head throbbed gently to the beating of his heart. Trying to rid himself of that smile, those warm eyes. It didn't matter to him that he'd had to leave Japan, didn't matter that there was something there worth missing – at least, Kanda figured that if he told himself that often enough then he'd start believing it.

'_... a guy of many levels, you know?'_

Well, Kanda had found another point to add to his list of reasons-why-the-moyashi-should-just-go-and-off-himself-before-he-did-it-for-him. Those two were too damn similar for Kanda to be comfortable with it. The stupid grin and mocking tones that spoke of true kindness just under the surface.

His scowl deepened and Kanda had to resist the urge to bash his head against something to see if it would help with clearing his mind. Logic told him it wouldn't – irritation urged him to give it a try, just in case. Laughter from the children playing nearby was loud and infuriating, the chatter of their parents shallow and pointless. Breathing slowly and deeply, Kanda tried to find his centre, that single calm point in his mind where he would be untouched by the outside world.

Today, it was doing a particularly good job of evading him.

Kanda sighed, hanging his head to rest it in his hands, thinking back to the way he'd almost run into the moyashi. The way the boy had dodged around him was incredible, and he frowned slightly as he tried to match the movement to some sort of martial art, as he was sure he'd seen it used before somewhere.

Eventually he shook it off, resolving to think about it later – or better yet, never.

The old man had talked him into getting a place at the university, though he wouldn't be starting for a while – Kanda was irritated enough that he'd had to leave his studies and job back in Japan. Truthfully, he wasn't particularly pleased about moving back to this Hellhole, but in the end he guessed he could understand.

Actually, no he couldn't, but he didn't have that much of a choice, so he would put up with it until he could leave once and for all.

Kanda's phone rang again – thankfully he had changed the tone of both his calls and texts since someone seemed to have altered them both. He flipped it open, staring at the alert that informed him of a new text message. Sighing, he clicked 'read' and quickly scanned through it.

'_so ur ignorin me now? nice, Yu. call me – need 2 tlk 2 u.'_

Kanda scoffed and quickly deleted the text, though he knew that more would follow later. He really didn't have the patience required to be dealing with this right now. He supposed he should be trying to find a job – his money wouldn't last forever and he didn't want to have to start begging from the geezer, but for some reason, he just couldn't bring himself to stand up and leave.

"Hey, no fair! You're not supposed to run with the ball!"

"_C'mon Yuu, play fair for once, would ya?"_

"I didn't silly, I threw it to Jan!"

"_Tch, life isn't fair, stupid. Get used to it."_

"No you didn't, I saw you! Cheater! You're nothing but a big fat meanie!"

"_Yuu, why've you gotta be such a meanie all the time?"_

"Shut up!" Kanda roared, only realising that he'd done so once all of the children turned to stare at him in fright, their game and childish squabble completely forgotten. He was on his feet now, though he couldn't quite recall how it had happened, his hands clenched into tight fists at his sides. It took a couple moments more for him to realise that he was breathing heavily like he'd just finished a marathon, and a few seconds after that to get it back under control.

Kanda turned and stalked off, his ponytail swishing delicately behind him as he went. His footsteps gradually got faster and faster until he was running, fleeing almost, though it was a complete breakdown of his pride to admit that, event to himself. His feet pounded against the concrete, head down and arms pumping at his sides. He didn't know where he was going, nor did he particularly care.

_Damn him. Just damn him for getting into my head like this._

And, for the second time that day, a small, white-haired figure appeared in his path when Kanda wasn't looking where he was going – only this time, he wasn't the only one. They collided head on, and both went flying.

After the world had righted itself and stopped spinning like those stupid teacup-rides at the fairground the geezer adored so much, Kanda realised that he was on the ground. And he was wasn't alone.

The moyashi was laying on top of him, body flush against Kanda's, blinking madly, lips pressed against his own.

* * *

**I have a question - I've already put it on WAFD, but not as many guys R&R that one, so I figured I'd put it here. I may end up doing a poll on it - who knows?**

**Anway, the question is this; if I were to write an original yaoi/shonen-ai fic, would any of you guys read it? Obviously I won't be doing it for a while, if I ever do, partly because life is biting me in the butt right now (I have lines I need to learn, essays I need to learn, exams I have to pass, a bunch of family crap I've been trying to ignore) and also because, well, it's only in the very earliest of plot bunny stages right now.**

**BUT, I would like to know your answers, so if you would kindly leave a review... and no, that was not very obvious manipulation.**


	6. Chapter 6

**This took such a terribly long time to write, for no other reason than simple procrastination. I am a terrible person, making people wait for so long with no excuses as to my abscence - I'm sorry. Also, this chapter is horrifically short by my usual standards, so again, I'm sorry. In fact, I'm just sorry for this chapter in general - I may go back and rewrite it if I can find the time (and willpower). However, I didn't want to make you all wait any longer than absolutely necessary. Again, sorry!**

**Wow, my friends always said that I apologise too much, but I never really believed them... Not that I always mean the apologies, but that's besides the point. I mean them today, alright?**

**Unedited and unbeta'd. Seriously, there are probably a bunch of mistakes that I didn't spot. I am terrible at proof-reading my own stuff.**

**Chapter 5~**

* * *

There were a few silent, painfully long moments in which neither of them moved, both praying that this was some twisted, insane nightmare. They realised that it wasn't at roughly the same moment and sprang into action. Allen shoved himself off of Kanda, standing up swiftly with a disgusted expression on his face. Kanda stood up slightly slower, but the look on his face was no less horrified.

"What did we discuss earlier about watching where you're going, prick?" Allen asked angrily, and Kanda noticed a slight flush spreading across the brat's cheeks. Embarrassment, or perhaps anger were the two most likely candidates, and Kanda had to will away a similar shade of red.

"Che, says you, brat. I didn't see you moving out of my way," Kanda scowled, feeling more secure in his anger.

"Oh my God," whispered a soft, reverent voice slightly to the side of the moyashi, and Kanda noticed for the first time that there was a small girl standing next to him and clapping delightedly, along with a tall, dark-skinned man who appeared rather bored by everything in general. Both were dark-skinned, with brown eyes that looked almost gold in the weak daylight – they were quite obviously related. Kanda glared at them, though the girl would not stop smiling at him and the moyashi; there was that glazed look that Kanda had learned to fear in her eyes. He braced himself.

"Do it again! Kiss again!" She cried joyously, and the moyashi paled.

"R-Rhode!" He said in a voice that was probably meant to be indignant but was rather too weak to achieve the intended effect. "What would Sheryl say if he heard you-" He was cut off by the girl waving a hand and the man's leisurely chuckles.

"Come on Allen, you know he'd agree with me just to make me happy," she smiled. Kanda shuddered, remembering Lenalee saying similar things about Komui. The thought of another man as crazy as that damn bastard was terrifying, though he'd never admit it. Allen seemed to share his sentiments, and he raised a notch in Kanda's eyes. So the brat may be stupid, but at least he had some sense of self preservation. Perhaps he'd last a month before Kanda skewered him.

"Rhode, surely you don't want me to kiss that arsehole again?" The moyashi asked desperately. Screw his previous statement – the moyashi would be lucky to survive another week.

Kanda snorted, dusting himself down. Immediately all eyes turned to him.

"This is stupid," he grumbled, turning away. "Quit running into me, moyashi, or it'll be the last thing you ever do."

Allen tutted condescendingly at him. "As I recall, baKanda, I wasn't the one doing the running. Besides, what're _you_ going to do about it?" His voice was lilting and Kanda realised with a start that although the brat was definitely British, he wasn't a local. Of course not – Lavi had said something about the moyashi 'arriving', hadn't he? Kanda frowned as he tried to place the accent with his limited knowledge of geography.

"Don't tempt me, moyashi," Kanda growled, and Allen chuckled lightly.

"I wouldn't worry about _that_, baKanda. You're not my type," he said flippantly, waving a little finger—waggle wave and strolling away with the other two, laughing as they went. It took Kanda a couple of seconds to realise what had happened.

"I'll kill that brat."

* * *

Tyki was still chuckling to himself as he wandered idly down the street a good ten minutes later. He had already dropped Allen off at his apartment, and Rhode was... somewhere. She could take care of herself, he knew, so he wasn't overly worried about the dark-haired bundle of fun. He tucked his hands into his pockets to protect them from the cold bite of the wind.

Shaking his head slightly, Tyki strolled into one of the little cafes, planning on buying himself a snack. A regular-sized snack, that was, not a cheating-boy sized snack. Tyki rolled his eyes – that boy must have hollow legs.

Quickly flashing a charming smile at the waitress, he took a seat and scanned through the menu cursorily. He wasn't feeling overly hungry, but he needed something to take the edge off of his appetite – he was supposed to be dining with the Earl later on, and he didn't want to appear rude by not eating. Not that appearing rude ever usually bothered him, but he'd been told that they would be having _all_ of the extended Noah family around – and that was a completely different matter altogether.

Regretfully staring at the sign promoting the cafe to be a smoke-free zone, Tyki took a deep breath and flipped his knife around his fingers a couple of times so that he wouldn't be tempted to reach for a cigarette. He tapped out a pointless rhythm onto the tabletop and huffed a quiet breath.

And _still_ he was bored.

Tyki would like to say that he was a patient man (more patient than Rhode, at any rate, though that wasn't difficult). In fact, he would like to say that he was many things – kind, caring, compassionate... But he wasn't. Not at all.

So, Tyki stared out of the window pensively as he waited for someone to come and take his order, his thoughts drifting back to Cheating Boy A. Or, perhaps more specifically, the incident with Mr. Ponytail and Cheating Boy A. He'd never seen Allen turn quite so red, and he chuckled softly at the mere memory. For a boy with such a stunning poker face and seemingly calm demeanour, such a thing was unheard of. Certainly, none of the Noah family – including Rhode – had been able to drag such a response from the boy.

He smirked quietly to himself.

The Cheating Boy may not know it (few people did) but Tyki was an excellent judge of character. Reading people was essential when it came to gambling, and Tyki was nothing if not a gambler. And that boy, Mr. Ponytail; well, Tyki felt that he had a reasonably accurate assessment of him already.

Of course, he wouldn't be telling Allen that little snippet. That would spoil his fun. Let the Cheating Boy figure things out for himself.

Outside, the sky was darkening quickly, thick clouds overhead, and not for the first time, Tyki found himself wishing for the sun of his homeland. He enjoyed the cultural aspects of Britain, certainly, but he had never been overly fond of the climate. However, the Earl seemed to adore it, and so he was stuck here with the rest of his family (though how, exactly, he was related to half of them, he wasn't entirely sure).

In his trouser pocket, his phone buzzed, and Tyki pulled it out with a long-suffering sigh. He glanced cursorily at the caller ID before pressing 'accept' and holding the device to his ear.

"What do you want, Sheryl?" Tyki asked, his tone clipped.

"_Little brother dearest, is that really any way to speak to me? Do I have to have an excuse for calling my darling baby brother?"_

"You do usually," Tyki sighed. "Please, stop wasting my time and get to the point."

"_Ah yes, well you see, the Earl has finally managed to talk Anita – from the record company, you remember? – into having a business meeting with him. Unfortunately for us, it seems like he wants all of us to be present, including you, little brother." _Tyki took a deep, calming breath and forced himself to count to ten before he even _thought_ of responding.

"Why do I sense that there's something more that I'm not going to like?" He asked in a defeated tone.

"_Perhaps because there is? I'm afraid that Miss. Anita has a very busy schedule, and the only time she's free to meet with us is in... hm, about three hours. Of course, we'll be meeting in the mansion first to discuss with the Earl any plans of attack – but I trust that won't be a problem?"_

Tyki swore and snapped his phone shut, rushing away just as the waitress arrived to take his order. He could feel the stares of the other customers boring into his back as he barged out of the door, but couldn't muster up the will to actually care.

_Why did this always happen to him?_

* * *

"Why do these things always happen to me?" Allen groaned, thumping his head repetitively against the small, wooden table in his kitchen. He slumped against it when the headache became almost too much to stand, cheek pressed against the cool surface. "Timcanpy, why does this always happen to me?" The little money spider on his table didn't reply, of course. Timcanpy had been living in his apartment for as long as Allen had, and he was reasonably certain that the spider had been riding around on his shoulder and in his suitcase for ages before that. Cross had insisted that Allen keep the spider around in case he lived up to his species' name. Allen wasn't an expert on the lifespan of spiders, but he was sure that a three year old (at least) money spider wasn't normal.

"It was so humiliating! Not only did I end up accidentally kissing him, but in front of Rhode and Tyki? I can never go out again," he whined, hitting his head once more for good measure. Timcanpy crawled onto his hand and settled down there, eight legs tickling Allen's skin.

"I know, I know. I'm being pathetic, aren't I, Timcanpy?" Allen sighed, dislodging the little spider, who tumbled onto the table. "Ah! Sorry, Timcanpy," he apologised, picking the spider up and placing him carefully on the windowsill. From there, the spider climbed back up to his web to do whatever it was spiders did when they weren't spinning webs or eating. Probably sleeping. It was what Allen liked to do whenever he wasn't busy.

Not that Allen was comparing himself to a spider. Of course not.

Stretching slightly, Allen stood and walked out of the room, into his bedroom. He rummaged around in the wardrobe for a couple of minutes, almost falling in a couple of times. When he finally came up with the work outfit he was looking for, he stepped back and closed the door firmly, frowning slightly at the sight of the wrinkles in his uniform.

_Ah well,_ he thought to himself. He still had time to iron it, and still make it to Martel without being late for work.

Roughly an hour later, Allen strolled out of the door, hands deep in his pockets. He wondered idly which instrument he would be provided with tonight, and whether or not he would be required to sing. It happened with alarming frequency, so much so that Allen was beginning to wonder if regular customers requested that he sang. There always seemed to be a group of the same faces in the restaurant, and it freaked Allen out to no end. How could anyone afford to eat out so often? It was unnatural!

Allen stepped outside and immediately regretted not picking up a coat on his way out. Though he was wearing a jacket, it was not thick enough to keep out the brisk wind. He shivered and walked a little faster, reasoning that not only would the exercise help to keep him warm, but he would also get to Martel faster – ergo, he would be in the heated interior of the restaurant faster.

Anything to stop him freezing to death.

The streets were quite quiet, though it was hardly surprising when one considered the weather. Few would want to be out in such conditions, even those long used to them. Even the roads were relatively empty, the occasional car speeding past and almost spraying Allen with dirty water a couple of times. He always managed to step out of the way at the last second, but he didn't want to risk getting his work clothes dirty, so he stayed close to the buildings.

By the time he reached Martel, the hems of his trousers were soaked through, and he was shivering violently. He couldn't feel his hands, which wasn't good at all, especially if they wanted him to play something like the piano, or guitar. He blew gently into his cupped hands, trying to force some warmth into them.

"Allen! Good evening," Lala said, hurrying over to him. "Oh you're absolutely frozen! Come on through, I'll get you a hot chocolate. Cream and marshmallows?"

"No thanks," Allen said through chattering teeth, smiling at his colleague. She was a sweet girl, if a bit of an airhead at times, and spent most of her days waitressing. However, when she was in the right mood, she would join Allen on the small stage in the corner and sing along with whatever song he happened to be playing at the time. He had yet to find a song whose words she did not know, and her voice was enchanting.

It was blissfully warm inside the small staffroom, and Allen hung up his jacket without a second thought. Guzol was nowhere to be seen for the moment, but it didn't bother Allen particularly. He still had about fifteen minutes until his shift officially started, though he liked to go up and test the instruments a couple minutes early.

The door clicked open softly a minute later, and Lala walked in carrying a steaming mug carefully, watching to make sure it didn't spill.

He took it from her gratefully, wrapping his gloved hands around the warm mug and savouring the feeling of life seeping back into his fingers. Or rather, the fingers of his right hand – though the mobility of his left hand had greatly improved over the years, it was still almost completely numb. Taking a small sip of the drink, he felt the warmth burning down his throat and into his chest, spreading through his body.

"Thank you, Lala," he said easily, draining the mug and ignoring the dull burn it left behind. "Have you seen Guzol anywhere? I need to talk to him about what I'll be doing today."

"Oh, he said that he had some important business to take care of," Lala said easily, her fondness for the elderly man seeping into her tone. He was a little bit like a grandfather to her, Allen knew, and he sympathised. "But he gave me the sheets you'd be needing – I put them down around here somewhere..." She sifted quickly through several pieces of paper on the little table before triumphantly handing him the music he needed.

Taking a quick glance at the first one – piano tonight, it seemed – Allen felt his heart freeze in his chest.

_Lullaby For A Lonely Night – The Fourteenth._

Allen knew the song well – he wouldn't need the sheets for it. Mana had sung it to him frequently as a child, and though Allen had never met the man, he knew quite well who it had been written for. Allen had been determined to learn it as a child, so that he could play it to Mana, just like Neah would have done when they were children. Using every sparee moment and every instant with a piano that he could in their busy travels, Allen studied and practiced the song until he was sure that it was etched forever into his mind. He had perfected it – every note was fluid and delicate beneath his fingers and they flew in the air from the piano like birds.

Yet, when he had played it to Mana, the man had just smiled and tousled his hair, as though he had done nothing more impressive than colour in a picture. For a short while, Allen had hated Mana and Neah in equal measures.

That, however, was nothing compared to the hatred he felt for himself.

Looking back, he knew that that wasn't a healthy emotion for a nine-year-old child to have. He knew that it was what drove him to better himself, to learn more, play better. In retrospect, maybe that was Mana's aim all along; it hardly mattered now. Allen glanced cursorily through the other songs, but there was nothing overly challenging, nor did any of them require singing.

Allen waited for his cue, no longer nervous about going up on stage and performing. He wondered if he had ever been nervous – he had spent enough time performing on the streets, after all. Once the lights dimmed slightly, he walked out on stage and took a seat in front of the piano, eyes sweeping over the audience as was his habit.

They froze when he met a familiar pair of eyes, and he followed his train of thought cautiously along the table.

_The Noah family?_

* * *

**Spider stalkers are a big problem. I'm dead serious. I had one once - I named it Septimus and it wouldn't stop following me around. It came into an exam with me (which, incidentally, I aced. Who knew that lucky mascots actually worked?) The damned thing tried to crawl down my top more than once :( Little pervert. Anyway. The Fourteenth's song used in this chapter does not actually exist... At least, not as far as I know. It isn't the one Allen sings in the Ark, let's put it that way.**

**Review please? Right now, even a flame would be welcome.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Well, I'm back from the dead - you know, the incredible, mind-numbing braindeath that comes from too many exams all at once. But I have (almost) finished them, so here's a chapter to celebrate! I swear they get shorter every time... that's worrying...**

**I'm sorry it took so long to come out, but as I've already mentioned - exams. Fourteen of 'em, which made me chuckle.**

**Ohhhh, and by the by, I now have a yaoi/shonen-ai/slash/whatever account on Fictionpress - my name over there is Amiss Authenticity, so if you like my writing (and slash, of course) go take a peek... maybe leave a review... you know, the usual.**

**Yeah yeah, I don't own, blah-de-blah.**

* * *

Well. This could certainly be awkward.

It certainly wasn't that Allen was unused to performing – there was a time when it had been his entire life, back when it was just him and Mana. However, he wasn't entirely sure that he was ready to play his uncle's songs in front of the Noah clan; the closest thing he had to a real family any more. Though, of course, they had no clue that he was related to Neah.

He could feel their surprised looks weighing heavily on his back, and he swallowed a little nervously – they knew that he worked two jobs, but they'd had no idea what his second source of income was.

The twins had thought prostitute, but Allen preferred not to think about that too much.

Still, he shifted a little on the bench to make himself comfortable, and placed the sheets in front of him carefully, though in truth he doubted he would be needing them. Most of the pieces he had been given tonight he already knew by heart anyway; regardless, it couldn't hurt to have them there just in case. Besides, appearances were everything when it came to a performance; it was one of the first things Mana had taught Allen as a child, wandering from circus to circus, staying in bed and breakfasts and roughing it on the streets when necessary.

It was why Allen always wore his gloves – the whole world is a stage, and everyone on it is obsessed with how one another look. If a couple of scraps of white fabric were all that it took to be accepted, then Allen wasn't complaining too much.

Taking a moment to close his eyes and compose himself, Allen rested his fingertips on the keys as he had learned to do and just let himself _feel_. No thought, no awareness – just emotion, running through him so strongly that he was almost afraid that the audience may see it beneath his skin.

Then, he started to play.

Technically speaking, _Lullaby For A Lonely Night_ was one of the most difficult pieces that Allen had ever encountered, and that was certainly saying something. However, when played correctly, it sounded so completely effortless that even the most skilled musician could be fooled into thinking that it was a simple piece. His fingers knew the song even better than he did, and with every brush of the keys he felt just a little closer to Mana and Neah.

Beautifully soothing, Allen knew that the song was intended as a lullaby, even if Mana had never talked to him about it – Allen knew his father, and he knew about his uncle. The two boys had grown up with only each other, moved from children's homes to foster homes and back before they eventually aged out of the system and parted ways. However, when they were young, they would have had only one another for comfort – and Allen somehow got the feeling that Neah had written this piece sometime around then, as a way of helping his older brother relax and sleep.

When he was a child, Allen had sometimes lay in his room, pretending to be asleep so that he could hear Mana humming the song to himself as he sat by Allen's bedside, smoothing his then-brown hair. The memory brought a slight smile to Allen's face as he drifted gently towards the song's completion. He wondered if he was a lot like Neah – what it was about him that had first compelled Mana to take him in. His smile twisted slightly, and for a few seconds he had to struggle to keep the feel of the piece.

Twisting the very ending of the song and arcing into a bridge, Allen quickly ran through the list of songs in his head, already starting to adjust the tempo and tone of his playing so that he could move seemingly effortlessly into the next song. There was a smattering of applause as the audience finally realised that he had already completed one song, but many of the patrons were absorbed in their meals and paid little or no attention to him. That was perfectly fine with him – being ignored was, in his opinion, often preferable to being accepted. No one wanted him to change who he was if they didn't notice he was there.

It was only after he had finally finished and taken a bow that he realised he had not opened his eyes once throughout the performance.

* * *

The members of the family of Noah were many, many things – _sick, twisted, sadistic, evil, cruel, selfish, ruthless, protective, loving, caring – _but easily impressed they were not. This, however, was something else – they'd had absolutely no idea that Allen – their unofficial extra member – was so talented. Oh, Rhode knew that he played piano, of course (she knew everything about him, though no one was willing to ask how she got her information) but even she had never heard him play before.

Out of all of them, it was impossible to say who was the most surprised. Lulubelle's eyes had widened behind her glasses and her lips were slightly parted; a lollipop had fallen from Skinn's slack mouth; Tyki had choked on his wine and even now was a bit red in the face; Rhode's expression was a mixture of shock and delight; Wisely had somehow managed to keep a straight face, and was picking apart a bread roll, determinedly not looking at anyone or anything; the twins were complaining and plotting in the same breath... In actual fact, the only one seemingly completely unaffected by the shocking display of talent was the Earl himself.

"I told you he was superb," the Earl said indulgently, chuckling at the reactions of his startled family. Anita nodded and giggled demurely behind her hand – an incredulous sound that immediately drew everyone's attention and reminded them that she was still there.

"That you did, but I had no idea... I see what you meant, Earl, I really think that he could be..." She trailed off for a moment before shaking her head decisively. "Well, either way, it's definitely worth looking into."

Now thoroughly confused, the rest of the family stared around, feeling rather out of the loop; not for the first time.

"Well this was certainly enlightening," Wisely muttered eventually, flicking a lock of pale hair back from where it had escaped from his bandana. "Does anyone want the rest of my drink? I don't think I'm particularly thirsty anymore." There were negative murmurs from around the table, and Wisely shrugged, hailing a waiter who immediately took the empty (and in Wisely's case, half-full) glasses from them.

Rhode pouted sulkily, her bottom lip jutting out. "Why didn't Allen ever tell me how good he was? I deserved to know!" Tyki chuckled at that, as did several others, including the Earl and Anita.

"I'm sure that Allen doesn't feel that way," Wisely said reasonably. "He's a very private person – we shouldn't go butting in if we can help it. Let him open up to us when he's ready." Incredulous stares greeted his words; out of all of them, Wisely was possibly the most fascinated with gaining knowledge, particularly when it was other people's secrets. He said he liked the feeling of being able to 'look into their minds' – it was a form of amusement for him.

Rhode puffed her cheeks out in annoyance, but agreed with her... cousin? Half-cousin? Uncle? No one was quite sure of the family tree of the Noah – there were too many adoptions and half-relations. Once they had sat around a table and spent half an afternoon trying to figure it out – four sheets of A3 paper later, they decided that it really wasn't worth the effort and just resorted to calling themselves a clan.

Both Jasdero and Devitto looked as though they were already scheming about how they could use this information to their advantage, and even Lulubelle seemed quite interested. No one dared ask how the Earl had possibly known about this. There was, however, one thing that was bothering Tyki.

"The way the Cheating Boy played that first song – didn't it seem familiar to you?"

"Sounded like Fourteenth," Skinn grunted, fishing another sweet from within the depths of his coat. Eyes around the table widened as they thought back over the performance and realised that Skinn was right.

"He really did," Sheryl murmured. Tyki frowned slightly, wondering where all of this was leading – certainly nowhere good, if previous experiences were anything to go by. He just hoped that the Cheating Boy wasn't traumatised too badly; he had grown rather fond of the young man in the time that they had known one another, and it was no fun playing with a toy that was already broken.

From the corner of his eye, Tyki saw a flash of white hair – he tilted his head slightly and glanced over to see Allen scurrying out of the side entrance that was really only supposed to be used in the event of a fire or some such emergency. Such courses of action were most likely against the rules, and if Tyki had any sense of decency whatsoever then he should probably inform someone of Allen's hasty escape.

Well, Tyki had never claimed to have much of a sense of decency now, had he?

* * *

"Remind me just what you're doing in my apartment at quarter to eleven at night," Kanda growled as Lavi rummaged through his cupboards unashamedly. The redhead shrugged nonchalantly, producing a bowl of cereal and tearing it open, munching on a dry handful. He spoke around a mouthful, and Kanda thought that it was a miracle that pieces of cornflake weren't littering his carpet.

"'m waitin' for 'llen," Lavi managed to say, though the words were more than a little muffled. He swallowed heavily and tried again. "I'm waiting for Allen, and I lost the key that he gave me, so I thought I'd come over and say hi!"

"And steal my food?"

"Well, no, that's just an added bonus, right? 'Cause I'm your bestest buddy and all," Lavi said, his grin widening each time Kanda's eyebrow twitched. Recognising the behaviour, even after so many years without seeing his dark-haired friend, Lavi backed off slightly – even he was not suicidal enough to push Kanda any further than he already had. Kanda scowled as Lavi left the cupboards alone and plonked himself down on the sofa instead.

Eventually, Kanda just sighed and sat a few feet away from Lavi at the other end of the sofa. He shut his eyes and fought to ignore the headache building somewhere behind his eyes.

"So why are you visiting the moyashi at this time of night?" Kanda asked through gritted teeth. Not that he cared – it was just annoying to have people invading his home. Lavi didn't appear to hear him at first, and just continued staring off into space. Kanda opened his mouth, perfectly prepared to give the usagi a piece of his mind (because God knows he wasn't about to repeat himself) when Lavi finally decided to answer.

"When it gets to autumn, Allen always starts to get a bit depressed," he said slowly, puffing his cheeks out. "Not entirely sure why, but I've got a few guesses. It gets worse as the year carries on, and Christmas is the absolute worst. After that he cheers up again, but we try not to leave him alone to mope for too long, y'know?" Kanda didn't really know, but he agreed for the sake of getting the usagi to stop talking. That plan backfired, however, when Lavi seemed to take Kanda's agreement as encouragement.

"I mean, Allen's our friend, am I right? Yes, _our _friend_, _not mine because like it or not, he's going to dig himself a little spot somewhere in that frozen heart of yours – oh don't give me that look, Yuu. You can't help it when it comes to Allen; everyone falls in love with him at least once." Lavi's face was completely serious for once, so much so that Kanda almost – _almost_ – believed him.

"You did?"

"Yep."

"Lenalee did?"

"For over a year."

"_Komui_ did?"

"Hey, he lets Allen touch Lenalee; if that isn't love, I don't know what is." Kanda didn't know whether he ought to be amused, shocked or disgusted, so in the end he settled for a slightly disconcerted look that really wasn't all that different from the rest of his limited facial expressions.

The usagi could say what he like about everyone loving the moyashi – Kanda knew it was bullshit. It was impossible to be liked by absolutely everybody; that was common knowledge. Still, he couldn't help but think back to earlier, when he had bumped into the moyashi – the two people that were with him had seemed close to him, certainly, but in love? Then there was the way that Lavi and Lenalee spoke of him. Adoring, indulgent and, well... _loving_.

God, it was enough to make Kanda sick.

Still, he supposed it was bearable, since those looks weren't being directed at _him_ anymore. He could deal with this – he didn't have that much of a choice, all things considered. He just had to put up with it until he could afford to move somewhere further away from the geezer.

"Hey Yuu, can I crash here tonight?" Lavi asked suddenly, and Kanda almost throttled him there and then for even _thinking_ of such a ridiculous suggestion. "It's just, my apartment's so cold and lonely, and Allen's not home yet to keep me company, and I don't want to be on my own, so can I stay here, please?"

"Che, and you really think my company's better than being on your own?" Kanda asked sarcastically. Lavi nodded with no small amount of enthusiasm, and Kanda sighed.

"Fine. Whatever. Just keep it down, and if you fucking snore, I'm kicking you out the window."

Lavi gasped in mock horror. "Out the _window_? You can't think of something more creative than _that_? You're losing your touch, Yuu-chan." Kanda didn't bother to honour that with a reply, lifting his chin and stalking away to leave Lavi to his giggles. He hadn't heard the moyashi return yet, but then again, he may have just missed it due to the ruckus the usagi made.

Rummaging around in the bottom of the linen closet for a few seconds, Kanda eventually produced a couple of pillows and a blanket, which he tossed carelessly at Lavi. He wasn't about to lend him any pyjamas, though – the usagi would just have to sleep in his clothes.

Yawning behind his hand, Lavi mumbled a 'G'night, Kanda' before rolling over on the narrow sofa (which was rather impressive in and of itself) before falling asleep almost immediately. Kanda shook his head and would later deny any sort of fondness that absolutely _did not_ well up inside of him. He was just... glad that the usagi wasn't bothering him now that he was asleep.

With a heavy sigh and a slight scowl, Kanda changed quickly, resolving to have a shower in the morning, since it was clearly too late now – where _was _the moyashi, anyway? Not that he cared. He was just mad that he'd been stuck with the usagi for so long for real reason that he could discern.

Throwing himself down onto his bed, Kanda strained his ears subconsciously, though he couldn't hear any sounds that might suggest the moyashi's presence. Suddenly realising what he was doing, Kanda clenched his fists to stop himself from punching something. He scowled, turning over and closing his eyes, now more determined to go to sleep that before.

He wasn't about to admit (either to himself, nor anyone else) that he couldn't settle properly until he heard the sound of movement in the apartment over from him. It wouldn't do to have people thinking he'd gone soft and was worrying about someone.

Still, as he finally managed to drift off to sleep, Lavi's words rang in his ears once again, gently mocking him.

_Everyone falls in love with Allen at least once._

* * *

Tapping his fingers somewhat nervously on his desk, Link stared at the wooden door in front of him, almost willing it not to open. This wasn't something that he wanted to deal with tonight of all nights; he had been planning on meeting with some of his extended family, yet instead he found himself holed up in his office with little to no clue as to what he was doing there.

He had received a call earlier from Leverrier saying that there had been some difficulties for him on the road, so Link would have to remain at the station for another half an hour or so and deal with whatever came his way.

Though it was not really his place to say, he thought that Chief Inspector Leverrier could be a bit of a bastard at times. Had he really been stuck in traffic, the Link would have heard the background noise of the road over the phone. Instead, all he heard was what sounded rather suspiciously like virtual solitaire (Link only knew what this sounded like due to a certain someone's habit of playing whilst he was supposed to be on duty).

Speaking of a certain someone, the door opened to reveal a somewhat irate red-haired girl chewing gum obnoxiously loud and glaring at Link as though he was the root of all evil. He sighed.

"What do you need, Fou?" Link asked, and Fou popped a chewing gum bubble before replying.

"Bak just called – he's gonna be comin' in in a minute to file some report or other; just thought I'd warn ya," she said, crossing her arms and leaning against the doorframe. "Said he saw that girl today – whaserface, Lenalee? Yeah, her, so watch out. He'll be crazy for hours." Link frowned, and folded his hands on his desk, mentally cursing Leverrier to the deepest circle of Hell, though he would never say so aloud.

"Alright, thank you for the warning." Link didn't bother to comment that such occurrences were horrifically common when it came to Bak – both of them were well aware of it, after all.

Fou nodded and turned to leave, before something seemed to occur to her and she turned back around to face him. "And Bak also said that he saw the Walker kid today as well – the boy said hello." Her face softened a little when she caught how Link's jaw tightened and his eyes shifted subtly. She should have known better than to bring it up. "He's a good kid, Link. He turned out just fine, so stop working yourself up over stuff ya control."

"I know, I know. Thanks, Fou," he said, closing his eyes and trying to will away the morbid thoughts.

"Yeah. See ya," she said, and Link could hear the soft _click_ as the door shut behind her. Slumping onto the desk and groaning quietly, Link tried to push all thoughts of Allen Walker from his head – this thing with Bak would take his full concentration and will to live, as it always did.

_You're a policeman,_ he told himself sternly. _You may not be perfect, but you're good at your job, and you can't keep worrying about something that happened six years ago. It isn't even your business anymore..._

Oh, who was he kidding? Allen Walker would always be his business.

* * *

**Oh hai thar Linky-poo. See, see - more characters have dropped in to say hello :) But what will happen next chapter?**

**Will Kanda finally admit to having feelings? Will Lenalee find a way to matchmake her boys? Will Allen come of of the closet? Will Lavi quite being a perv? Will the creepy stalker guy quite being creepy and, well, a stalker? **

**Find out, only in the next episode of **_**The Jerk, The Clown And The Wardrobe**._

**Please review. For me?**


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